|"For your Maker is your husband....." Isaiah 54:5 |
I'm gonna be brutally honest and transparent (after all, that is the name of the blog). I long for a husband. I desire to be married, to have a life partner of physical form doing battle with and for me. I long for a husband who could have shown my daughters what true love from a man looks like and my son how to be that man. I long for late night talks, daily plans of splitting who will go to who's activity or even just someone to hold me while I vent, stew or cry. And I want to be able to do that for someone. I want the many battles marriage brings and the seemingly endless attacks that draw the attention from the enemy of our souls and his battalion. The very foul essence that seems to be breaking up families right now and has forged war on marriage created by GOD, I want....
Yes I'm sure you think I'm crazy. I'm sure those who are married, separated or wishing they could get out of their marriage right now are saying, "Are you crazy?! Stay single! You have no idea how hard it is!" Well, as a lost person I was married. And it was hell! And I know now that I would never step out of His will to comfort my flesh! Yes, back then, in my lost state, I would have agreed. In fact I did. But now that I am redeemed, let me tell you what I know as an unmarried mother of three.
I know that no battle is too hard for my GOD. I know that the end is better than the beginning. I know that while money, kids and communication (or lack of it) may seem to wearing you down in your marriage, He is standing near to lift you up and strengthen you. I know that every good and perfect gift is from our first Husband. I know that the journey is hard and long and sometimes full of dry patches but I also know that if you journey with your husband and GOD, it will not be worthless. Ask any older couple was it worth it. Not those who are bitter and angry, but those who have overcome the bitterness, trials, anger, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, etc. and I also know that you have the opportunity to have a "cord of three" but do you know that? Did you forget or did your marriage happen or become about you and what's done to or not done for you?
One of the most important and most ignored aspects of marriage that I know is how it shapes, grows and can even kill (yes kill) your child(ren). A good marriage (not the façade of one) will grow great relationships with and for the children. A struggling one that endures will even show kids how to hang on, keep going as long as battles are healthy. But a marriage that quits? It only shows a child how to quit. Prayerfully in time and/ or with discernment the child will decide to be better, to do better, to never ever give up (as a young cancer patient who started Joy Jars showed me shortly before she closed her eyes on this side). But it will prove to be harder, more fight than necessary and draining to say the least. I know that on both sides, as a child of divorce ad a parent whose children had to be drug through one.
So no, I don't know your story. I don't know what you've been through. I don't condone abuse and know that GOD does not like the mistreatment of His daughters. That's something totally different. And even though I don't know why you aren't "happy" or why you are contemplating or going through a divorce, He knows. And I know Him and I know that He loves you and longs for an intimate relationship with you. Look at your husband the way GOD does. See through his flaws and love through his multitude of sins (even leaving the seat up).
And for you single ladies reading, love the LORD your GOD with all you heart and all your strength and all your mind and all your soul. What I just realized is in all my wanting a husband, I need to learn to love the Husband who redeemed me first. I need to focus on Him and the fact that He never fails first before preparing for a man who will most assuredly disappoint me. So, while I still desire to be married, I rejoice in the only marriage truly made in Heaven, I invite you to as well!
This entire chapter of Isaiah, 54, speaks to the weary. It just spoke to me as a "single" woman and mom. Let it speak to you as single and married folk! Let Him be your Husband, your Lord, your Kinsmen Redeemer. Only then will the mortal, fleshy man He gave to you temporarily be lifted and loved in the way he was designed to be.
GOD, forgive me for searching for love everywhere but in Your face. Thank You for being my Redeemer and my Friend, my Love and my Lord! Sustain me GOD and help me to be content and satisfied in You until (if) You send a companion to find me. And if not, You are more than enough!