Transparent Step

All the congregation of the people of Israel moved on from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord , and camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. Exodus 17:1 ESV

Last year was a doozy for me. It seemed as if I was on the downward side of a roller coaster and the highest point of a gymnastics bar, and if you know me you know that's not good at all. I am very afraid of heights, you see. And for those sick enough to love this type of adrenaline rush, you know that even for a few seconds, no matter who is with you, you are scared out of your wits! And then of course when you are through the "danger of falling" you can rest again. That's where I am in my life. Last year I was led to ask for more patience, for God to forgive and help my unbelief and even stepped out to begin, for the thousandth time, school again. It seemed like with each prayer, each request, each step I took, I was in that moment in the roller coaster where you realize how far down that stupid steel trap is actually about descend with you strapped in. Okay so I'm dramatic, but its true!

Have you ever had a test to study for but you forgot to study? Oh how I hope I'm not the only one! You suddenly feel ill, a sickness that travels from deep in your tummy and seems to spread faster than the stomach flu on a road trip to the rest of your body? You even get tunnel vision like in the movies when you step into the classroom and instantly remember that test. Then you go about seeking refuge by hoping that something will change and asking everyone if the test today, even asking people if they studied so that you don't feel alone in your educational quicksand. Then you begin to ask people to help you "review one more time" as if your rain is going to retain their knowledge within that few minutes. You may confide in your best bud that you didn't study in hopes that they will console you and somehow become a superhero by stopping the test as if it were a speeding bullet, locomotive or by leaping over the tallest building! I've been there and that's what the beginning of last year was for me because God had called me to know Him more and I forgot to study.

But even as I was going through rigorous training last year, I can confidently say that my faith has grown. I'm pretty sure it's not where it needs to be, according to my scale. I'm not a super saint who can discipline myself in the midst of a heated argument, encourage myself when my family is in need and my bank account is drier than a desert mirage revealed two seconds after you began to drink the "water". But I am figuring out, I don't have to! God will lead me to the right verse, bring about the right attitude, give me just the right amount of strength, patience and joy I need, He alone knows my daily intake of bread and has promised to provide it.

I'm still without a vehicle of my own. My mom was able to step out on faith and get a new vehicle, my friend was blessed with a vehicle after hers went south forever and the liar and enemy of our souls would have me believe that I was crazy to believe that God would manifest a vehicle for my needs with no income, no payment, no money down. But what I have learned is God is not a "buy here, pay here" god! He is an on time God! But note that He is not on OUR time. He is on His!

I'm sure your saying, "Felicia, what does this have to do with the verse or the title?", or maybe that is just me. Well either way, let me explain. Last year this time, I made a voicemail greeting that basically said that God was calling His people out of bondage and the wilderness. And that's exactly what He did, with me. In this verse, He led Israel out of the wilderness and into Rephidim, which means rest, but when they got there they had no water. They grumbled and Moses interceded their behalf and God provided water out of a ROCK!! Have you ever tried to even break a rock much less get something out of it?! Only God can perform that type of feat!

This is my outtake. We get to a place of rest from a struggle we had before ad instead of praising God for bringing us out, we focus on and complain about what we don't have. Yes water is something needed. Yes they were thirsty after their travels from the wilderness. But after having blessings in the wilderness, didn't they know God wouldn't bring them out of there just to have them die of thirst? Don't we do the same? God brings us out of something and instead of resting in Him and knowing He is in control and will provide, we grumble and focus on the things we don't have.

This year, God has brought us into a place of rest. I don't know what that looks like for you friend, but I do know that we need to rest in the knowledge that it is already done. Whatever it is, He has already taken care of it when Jesus died in the cross. Don't you remember what he said with his last dying breath? It... IS.... finished. Will you trust that everything you go through is already dealt with? You will only need to step into His place of rest as you wait for His next command. And, oh, those provisions that you don't see? Ask for them, grumbling only wastes time and then thank Him for what He has done, is doing and will do. Step out on that cliff of trust, even if you fall He will catch you!

ABBA Father, thank you so much for bringing us to this place of rest! Last year was a doozy for us but You got us through! Thank You lord for the many lessons and even the hard times I really didn't want to go through. Thank You for opening everyone who can read this eyes to this new year. Thank You for the provisions You give us and for the patience to wait for you. Lead me Jesus, I surrender all to You! In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Incident

Yesterday was a day of Divine appointment! I started the day out with my devotions, finding three key Scriptures to chew on. Exodus 14:13-14 "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.", Deuteronomy 31:6 "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts." and Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" I then got a message from my friend, Samone, basically saying the same thing and reminding me, "Whether you feel on top of the world or stuck beneath it today, remember who was and is there for you at all times." My God is incredible with His grace and mercy which are indeed FOREVER!!

Now to explain the transparent incident. The day had been going good after my prayer time, because I had literally been asking where money was gonna come from when God heard my cry (Psalm 40:1) and gave me strength from His Word. I then started on my day. First was a meeting, turned ice cream social for the youth ministry which was very much needed. Then upon returning home to get my mom for work as I was talking to 2 of my 3 children, a car drove right into me from the side! This is where transparency is not fun. The first thing out of my mouth was NOT "Lord help me." I screamed and immediately said, "Lord not again! This cannot be happening again, please! How am I going to pay for this? I can’t believe he hit me!" The supernatural calm did not hit me all at once. I was so enraged at that moment that I could have "spit nails" as my mom used to say to me and my brother. But in His loving patience, He sent someone to remind me in the form of a young man who instructed me to stay in the car and breathe. Much needed instruction for me! In that time, I was able to breathe, vent, breathe again and begin to thank God for the protection He afforded me. My mind began to race to the many things that could have happened. I needed to refocus and pray. And I had the time to do that.

My mind then raced to my son whom I was on the phone with at the time that he hit me. He heard me scream and took off out the door running to me. He is 18, he was on a dangerous street and he has asthma. But I had to trust that God would be his breath.

I learned a lot from this encounter. I learned that I am not perfect. I learned that God still has a long way to go with me and I still have a lot yet to surrender. I learned that I have been delivered from things that I used to do though because "from out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." I can thankfully check off cussing being evicted in my heart. I did learn that I still have anger that needs to be gone and I know that God is working on me. I also learned that what the world called an accident yesterday is most definitely NOT one. That was, as all my steps are, ordered by God and I am thankful for it!

The other driver, a young man, is okay too. I hate that he got a ticket and will have to pay more for insurance. I also hate that I did not have a chance to speak to him and make sure for myself that he was alright. But I know that God has a plan for him and I am going to continue to pray for him. I am also glad (transparent moment) that he had insurance because the car I had was a rental! So I am back on the road again with another rental and a little jarred from the experience, but aren’t we all when we experience God moving in our life more than we expected?

Have an awesome and safe week! I will be praying for everyone that reads follows and comments on this blog. And please remember your seat belts! God sends protection even in the form of a seat belt!