Transparent Step

All the congregation of the people of Israel moved on from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord , and camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. Exodus 17:1 ESV

Last year was a doozy for me. It seemed as if I was on the downward side of a roller coaster and the highest point of a gymnastics bar, and if you know me you know that's not good at all. I am very afraid of heights, you see. And for those sick enough to love this type of adrenaline rush, you know that even for a few seconds, no matter who is with you, you are scared out of your wits! And then of course when you are through the "danger of falling" you can rest again. That's where I am in my life. Last year I was led to ask for more patience, for God to forgive and help my unbelief and even stepped out to begin, for the thousandth time, school again. It seemed like with each prayer, each request, each step I took, I was in that moment in the roller coaster where you realize how far down that stupid steel trap is actually about descend with you strapped in. Okay so I'm dramatic, but its true!

Have you ever had a test to study for but you forgot to study? Oh how I hope I'm not the only one! You suddenly feel ill, a sickness that travels from deep in your tummy and seems to spread faster than the stomach flu on a road trip to the rest of your body? You even get tunnel vision like in the movies when you step into the classroom and instantly remember that test. Then you go about seeking refuge by hoping that something will change and asking everyone if the test today, even asking people if they studied so that you don't feel alone in your educational quicksand. Then you begin to ask people to help you "review one more time" as if your rain is going to retain their knowledge within that few minutes. You may confide in your best bud that you didn't study in hopes that they will console you and somehow become a superhero by stopping the test as if it were a speeding bullet, locomotive or by leaping over the tallest building! I've been there and that's what the beginning of last year was for me because God had called me to know Him more and I forgot to study.

But even as I was going through rigorous training last year, I can confidently say that my faith has grown. I'm pretty sure it's not where it needs to be, according to my scale. I'm not a super saint who can discipline myself in the midst of a heated argument, encourage myself when my family is in need and my bank account is drier than a desert mirage revealed two seconds after you began to drink the "water". But I am figuring out, I don't have to! God will lead me to the right verse, bring about the right attitude, give me just the right amount of strength, patience and joy I need, He alone knows my daily intake of bread and has promised to provide it.

I'm still without a vehicle of my own. My mom was able to step out on faith and get a new vehicle, my friend was blessed with a vehicle after hers went south forever and the liar and enemy of our souls would have me believe that I was crazy to believe that God would manifest a vehicle for my needs with no income, no payment, no money down. But what I have learned is God is not a "buy here, pay here" god! He is an on time God! But note that He is not on OUR time. He is on His!

I'm sure your saying, "Felicia, what does this have to do with the verse or the title?", or maybe that is just me. Well either way, let me explain. Last year this time, I made a voicemail greeting that basically said that God was calling His people out of bondage and the wilderness. And that's exactly what He did, with me. In this verse, He led Israel out of the wilderness and into Rephidim, which means rest, but when they got there they had no water. They grumbled and Moses interceded their behalf and God provided water out of a ROCK!! Have you ever tried to even break a rock much less get something out of it?! Only God can perform that type of feat!

This is my outtake. We get to a place of rest from a struggle we had before ad instead of praising God for bringing us out, we focus on and complain about what we don't have. Yes water is something needed. Yes they were thirsty after their travels from the wilderness. But after having blessings in the wilderness, didn't they know God wouldn't bring them out of there just to have them die of thirst? Don't we do the same? God brings us out of something and instead of resting in Him and knowing He is in control and will provide, we grumble and focus on the things we don't have.

This year, God has brought us into a place of rest. I don't know what that looks like for you friend, but I do know that we need to rest in the knowledge that it is already done. Whatever it is, He has already taken care of it when Jesus died in the cross. Don't you remember what he said with his last dying breath? It... IS.... finished. Will you trust that everything you go through is already dealt with? You will only need to step into His place of rest as you wait for His next command. And, oh, those provisions that you don't see? Ask for them, grumbling only wastes time and then thank Him for what He has done, is doing and will do. Step out on that cliff of trust, even if you fall He will catch you!

ABBA Father, thank you so much for bringing us to this place of rest! Last year was a doozy for us but You got us through! Thank You lord for the many lessons and even the hard times I really didn't want to go through. Thank You for opening everyone who can read this eyes to this new year. Thank You for the provisions You give us and for the patience to wait for you. Lead me Jesus, I surrender all to You! In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Bag Lady

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden (burdened), and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28 (ESV)

My mom is frequently called the “Bag Lady” at her jobs. Whenever I pick her up it takes a good couple of minutes for her to get situated and in the car because she has so many bags. I often wonder, and I think have even asked a few times what she needs all the bags for. I don’t remember the answer she has given but I gather that the reason could be so she doesn’t forget anything, she brings everything. And yet she still forgets the simple things like her lunch or tags or even keys for work once. But what I noticed the other day is that she reaches out to my kids to help her or if I am in the house for me to grab a bag or two. I do so, sometimes begrudgingly, but only because I can see ways she can condense her need for these bags.

Isn’t that just the opposite of Jesus? He says to us, “Come to me, ALL who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” All we have to do is come! I love that He is not just calling some of us, or the church folk who are always decked out, or the leaders of the church, or even the crazy radical people who get out of their comfort zone quickly to meet someone at the door of God. No, He is calling for everyone. I quickly say that I believe it’s because those of us who know Him intimately can be ministered too and those who don’t know Him can get to know Him while He cares for them. Those who don’t know anything of Him can be introduced and leave with a new friend that sticks closer than any brother! I love that He cares for us just that much… but doesn’t stop there! He also gives us much needed rest when we enter His presence. How many friends or family can you say from the very minute you walked into their presence you felt lighter and much needed rest until you left? Only God can do that for us!

I started talking about my mom and her many bags she carries for a reason. When I have my kids with me to pick her up, they automatically go to her door or into her office to help her with her bags. She sometimes calls for them to help but they are usually already on the way in. There are even sometimes I go in and grab bags I know she is going to take with her, and this takes her by surprise because I don’t say anything, just grab them. What’s my point? God will do the same. We don’t have to ask Him to come and grab bags from us all the time. There are times that He will relieve us even before we cry out for help. And in the times that it’s necessary that we ask Him, it’s usually to help cultivate our communication skills with Him. He also doesn’t want us to just assume, “Oh God’s got it!” in times when we should be crying out. How great is our God!

My questions are what are the bags you need to release and which do you tend to hold on to? Are you going into His presence or just standing at the door waiting for some doorman to come grab the bags for you? And do you recognize when He does take some baggage from you whether you ask or not? Let’s spend a week in His presence, not His doorway, so that we can experience this bag free living He has in store for us! Come to Him!!

Lord, thank You for being an on time God who gives rest to the weary. Just as we say or form our lips to say I can’t take it, You step in and give us much needed rest from our burdens. Lord, I ask that for each person who reads this, You would give them that much needed rest. Whether it is from stress, unemployment, worry, doubt, bills, unproductive relationships, broken hearts, sickness, or whatever their burdens are, that You would give them rest. Allow them to taste and see that You are good. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Peace

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10 (ASV)

My last post was 5 months ago at the end of August. I had just been through a near eviction and right after that having my water shut off for about 3 weeks. Needless to say, it was a hard and almost overbearing time. I had no income; unemployment seemed to be taking its sweet time coming and a very outstanding water bill, not to mention my children who God sent to me to lift me up in times just like this. I was broke AND broken yet it seemed this time all my broken pieces were held in the Hands of a very loving, very powerful Father. He told me each morning to be still. He told me every morning that He is God. Never did it become redundant to hear these words. He seemed to know exactly when to say them and each time, every morning they were sweet to my ears. I love my Dad!

Around this time, now that I think back, I was in the wilderness being sifted. During that time some uglies came out of me that I am not very proud to say even resided in me, but I gladly say that because of Who is in me, not what! He was continuing my healing process from the Heart transplant I had asked for not much earlier than this. I believe if He had revealed to me what He had planned to take me through, I would have opted out of it. I would have said, “No thanks. I appreciate what you are trying to do God but I can’t go through all that, not again. My kids can’t handle that again and they may even leave this time to go stay with their dad. Then where would I be? No, no thanks.”

Can you imagine saying no to God? Yet we do that very thing every day by choosing our ideas and ways of doing things over His. As if we know so much more better than He does. As if WE were the ones “sitting high and looking low” and He was the apple of our eye! How crazy is that? Yet look at how gracious He is! He knows our hearts and the lust for control in our lives yet He loves us! Oh how He loves us! His grace and mercy IS everlasting!

During this hiatus, I have learned a lot about myself and about God. I have learned how imperfect I really am, no matter how many times I try hard to be “perfect.” I realize how much I needed saving when He reached down in the mess I made and saved me. I realize that I need that same Savior everyday to not only save me from myself and my frienemies but to be Lord of my life. Jesus is Lord and Savior of my life like keys and an engine is to a car. It won’t move without them. I also learned that His grace and mercy are everlasting. I screw up every day. I am an example of how far out His grace and mercies go and believe me, they are still going stronger than the Energizer Bunny!

I also learned that in order to hear from God, I must be still. I must listen. I must know that He is God. If an unknown teacher came into your town professing to be able to answer all your questions and help you in your daily life and finances, will you go hungry to hear his words? I don’t think so. You may go, you may even listen but it will not be with the intensity and hunger as if that teacher was TD Jakes or Dave Ramsey or even Mother Teresa (that would be weird). In order to listen intently, you must be still. If you are listening to the radio and a breaking newscast comes on, you stop what you are doing to really listen. In order to be still you must know that He is God. If a stranger comes towards you waving a gun saying be still or they are going to shoot you, what would you do? Likewise, if a friend comes towards you shouting get down and be still, waving their gun, you would do it because you trust them. In order to know that He is God, you must trust Him.

I believe I am in a “be still and know” moment in my life. I’m still not working, I still have needs that I lift up to Him but I now choose to “know that He is God” and let Him do the rest. I know when it’s time for me to act on the gifts He has given me, He will tell me. Until then, I won’t budge a muscle except to minister to those He sends my way. You see my job right now consists of being a godly woman, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and even stranger. Colossians tells me to do whatever I do to the glory of God (Colossians 3:17, 23). And at the exact moment that He lifts me to the ministry that He has given me, I will be so ready that I spring into action. I still need a vehicle, I still need clothes for my family, and I still even need food for the most part. But what I need the most is God and I am so thankful that I have Him in Christ Jesus!

Oh God, thank You for Your wonderful grace and mercy. Thank You for showing me what I am not so that I could accept the love You give to me anyway. Without You I am unworthy, dirty and useless. But with You I am made whole! Help me to be still and know that YOU are God even when I feel like I need to move forward. Close doors that only You can close and at the right moment, bust doors wide open that only You can open! Until then, Your grace is sufficient. In Jesus name, Amen!