Transparent Defeat

"To defeat the darkness out there, you must defeat the darkness within yourself."- The Oppressor- The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of The DawnTreader

 On yesterday, the 11th of August, 2014, Robin Williams apparently took his own life. He will never have a chance to make another movie. He will never have a chance to hear the Gospel again or walk on the beach or eat his favorite foods. Anything that he ever did on earth, he will never do again on earth. Why? Because his time here is gone. His life, as we know it, has expired. Or had it?

 I first saw Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy; it seems not so long ago. The premiere show was a hit and I stayed tuned until the last show which also broke my heart (okay I'm a crier en it comes to sad shows). The realization that I would never tune in to watch "nanu nanu", hit hard even for a military brat who was used to saying goodbye by that time. So to see the news of his death crushed me. But to know that it might have been because of suicide cuts even closer.

 You see I have had bouts with depression. Even more recent than the last two weeks. I know the closed in feeling that you cannot escape. I know the strangling of air that grabs you all of a sudden and demands you pay attention to defeat, the feeling that brings depression back in when you've conquered it. And although I may not know the personal things, I know what goes on in the minds of those depression has an unwanted relationship with, the darkness that plummets you into an even further black hole until you feel the only way out is through death. I've even tampered with that non changing reality as well.

Depression is a weapon the enemy seems to be winning more and more with. Even among those of us who know the Truth and the hope we have in Jesus. It seems that this is an even bigger truth, that it is even bigger than God when you are in the midst of this darkness. It seems that nothing or no one can pull you out. But that's where we are wrong. That's where I wish someone could tell each person who suffers with depression, each person that contemplates suicide well before they are able to test its guarantee of a way out of the darkness. As cliché as it sounds, Jesus is the ONLY way out. His words in red are loud and clear in the midst of being questioned by one who doubted him. "I AM the Way, the Truth and the Light" (John 14:6). That alone is a proverbial life saver in this very black sea called depression!

I wish that I was a journaler so that I could go back in my journals and explain, even write some of the thoughts that I said, that I cried out during that very dark time when I told my kids I would be back and drove to my mom's house, parked in her driveway and contemplated the best way to bring this to a final end. I wish I could tell you what I texted my kids other than that I loved them and that I was a failure to them and that they would be better off. What I can tell you is what my daughters text me back (my son was in a dark place himself and so did not respond). They told me that they loved me and exactly what God needed them to say.... He threw them as a rope and I grabbed for it. But it doesn't always end that way. Sometimes, like in the case of Robin Williams and the tens of thousands that suffer and succumb to this conquerable disease, it is more than life threatening. Sometimes it's permanent. For anyone reading this, I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be. You aren't better off and neither is your family. No matter how hard and cold and dark and lonely it gets, there is always hope if you reach out for Him. Alone, and even with medicine, it cannot be defeated. But in Him there is hope, and love and grace, and mercy. There is acceptance when you call out His name. No tricks, no hidden agendas, no lifelong toiling. Just. Call. His. Name.

Someone was sailing, actually heading back in as the waters were getting rougher and rougher. The sun was at the cusp of setting and the winds were getting crisp and picking up. Out the corner of his eye, he thought he saw two people in the abusive waters, fighting to stay above the waves. As he turned towards them, hoping his eyes were playing tricks, he confirmed that it was true and immediately went into action. Having only one other life jacket and a small life saver, he yelled out to them to hang on and stop moving as much as possible. To try as hard as they could to remain calm. He saw that they were trying to oblige his commands and the flailing about almost ceased. He was able to reach them and put the life jacket around one and was about to throw the life saver to the other when a monstrous wave threatened to stop him from saving both. The one who was to receive the saver began flailing and screaming again as the boater pulled the first in. His cries fell on deaf ears as the second person bobbed up and down in the waters, even well after the wave proved to be not so threatening. The boater finally jumped in with the saver and almost supernaturally reached the second person. He put the saver around the person and told him that he was going to be okay, just to keep his arms around the saver and he would pull him back to the boat. He turned and began swimming, thankful that the second swimmer had stopped panicking and was easier to pull. What he didn't know was that the man had already given up. Even with the lifesaver around him securely, only having to keep his arms around it, not even embracing, he had already sunk into a dark false truth that he was never going to get out. He had already said his goodbyes in his heart and was ready for death. By the time the boater got to the boat, and turned to pull him in, he noticed that the reason his load had been so light was that the second swimmer had never even put his arms around the lifesaver. He had never grasped onto the truth that he was saved.

This isn't a true story or even something I got out of a book. I just made it up. But how powerful a truth for even us who are in Christ. Even we can get entrapped by the lies of depression. Ours can be a little more dangerous as we will not seek help for fear of the stigma of being a weak Christian and the judgment that comes with it. That alone stifles out voice, not the enemy, but our agreement with him to never speak out transparently about things that make us seem weak. Guess what? We ARE weak! Paul said, ".... for when I am weak then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10) How else can we reach the masses, how else can we go out into His fields with the harvest being ready, how else can make disciples of all nations unless we first "defeat the darkness within"? How many of our brothers and sister, leaders have to die before we say enough and stand in our conquering of death?

God, oh how I thank You for saving me. Not only through Your precious Son's sacrifice on the Cross for my sins but also each day that I walk into a dark place or become angry or am in need. You are indeed faithful, even when I am not, strongest when I am at my weakest. God, I pray for those who have been in that same dark narrow alley called depression. Your Word says, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." I pray that You would remind Your children, who can then remind or let those who don't know You know that they do not have to fear any evil. That You would remind us daily that even though we will have trials and heartbreak and disappointments and sicknesses and loss that You are with us. Your rod and Your staff that guide us. God remind us that You are our hope. My prayer is that suicide will begin to starve and eventually die away because no one will feed it's ever greedy fascination and hunger to have one more.... Pour out Your love... the love that saves and covers a multitude of sin. In Jesus name. Amen!

 

I want to leave with this Scripture, my daughter's life verse: "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33)

DISCLAIMER: If you are dealing with depression right now, God's Word is a great Source of help! I know it; it's what has kept me each time depression and suicide come back for more. Know that if there is depression, suicide is not far behind. And if you are not a believer or just can't seem to pray, know that I am praying for you and Jesus is interceding always on your behalf. Get help! If you are contemplating suicide and are in danger of following through, call 911! If you are depressed or have suicidal thoughts not yet manifested, call the following:

http://brokenbelievers.com/247-crisis-lines/

1-800-273-TALK (8255) or TTY 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) (for suicide)

1-888-NEEDHIM

Biblical help for youth in crisis 1-800-HIT-HOME

Rapha National Network 1-800-383-HOPE

Prayer and General Counseling www.prayerandhope.org, 1-866-599-2264

There is no pressure to know Jesus. They just want to give you the help that you need. Hold. On.

Transparent Tragedy

 “….In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

December 14 is a day that will be burned forever in our hearts and will be a question mark in our minds until such a time that we can God face to face. I am sure the day started for most like any other, but I am just as certain there was one or two led to pray for that day. As the world watched helplessly to find out just what had happened, how many were injured or dead and why someone would do such a thing in a seemingly innocent place, I am certain there were prayer warriors and intercessors all over crying out for the families, staff, responders and even the nation. Even as I read and became angered by the thoughts and words of careless people on social media sites and news reports online, the two messages that came across clear was for us as believers, not to be discouraged but to encourage others and that in this world, it is very certain that we will see and feel pain, have trials and death but we need to take heart because He has already overcome this wicked world! I saw one cry from many and that was how could God let this happen? Dear hearts, God did not “let” this happen, we did. We have become so complacent in our pews and drama free lives that we walked away from our First Love and allowed Him to be “taken out of the schools” because we didn’t want to ruffle feathers. As few of us as there seem to be, our voice, our cries are loud when in unison with the angels and the voice of God Himself crying out for His children to wake up! When will we take a stand? We will not change the outcome of the sentence for this wicked world. We will not stop violence or vile things that are being done, but we can surely bring more to salvation and help them turn from their wicked ways if we would only hear God’s cry for us to turn from ours.

Two years ago, December 4^th, my world was rocked again when on the news I heard of the disappearance of a beautiful young lady who was a former youth at my old church. I loved this young lady, her mom and her younger brother like my own family. I had been out of touch with her mom for quite some time as I went through a valley or two of my own but she was one of the first to encourage my writing. I tried furiously to find her information so that I could be there for her but God led me to just pray. She was never found and I am back in contact with her mom but still wonder where she is, if she is okay, is she held against her will, was she one of the youth that were taken for a teen human trafficking ring where kids were abducted and forced into prostitution. I even find myself looking for her when driving or in a store from time to time. (Tyler Thomas is her name and she is 22 now) But as scary an ordeal that is and unfathomable for a parent to not know where their child is, Jesus has already overcome.

It’s a hard concept to accept at times, I will be the first to admit, but at the same time it is so comforting to know that we win no matter how much hurt, pain, trials, brokenness, sickness and death we witness or go through, we win. It’s a very sobering thought when you are in the midst of trials. I am recently coming to that realization and settling my thoughts on this and every time I have a valley to walk through, I remember that Jesus has already been there and for me, won.

Meditate on this promise today. Learn the meaning of the words in Greek and what Jesus meant by them. Continue to pray for all families, the community and those first responders who had to pull out the little bodies from that school on Friday. Pray that this will awaken them to a God, who hurts when we hurt, catches every tear when we cry and longs for us to be in relationship with Him so that when this world is gone, we can be with Him with “no more crying” forever.

Dear Lord, thank You for being a sovereign God, a God in control and firmly planted on Your Throne. Would You breathe down on those who are affected by this past week’s tragedies a breath of comfort and peace? Would You ignite in Your people a hunger not for the world’s justice but Yours? Lord would You use this to call those to salvation and repentance so that we can go out into this harvest which is ready and bring them to You? Cover us, Lord and be our Comforter when the time comes. Put urgency in our hearts and a desire that comes from You as well as boldness and courage! In Jesus name. Amen!