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Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts

Monday, May 4, 2015

Something Lacking... Part

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, "Sit here, while I go over there and pray."
And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.
Then he said to them, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me."
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."
And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, "So, could you not watch with me one hour?
Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."
Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, "My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done."
And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy.
Matthew 26:36-43

Jesus, at this point, was so close to his death that his flesh wanted to take over. So what did he do? He prayed... He didn't panic, he didn't lash out at others, he didn't on a drinking, drugging, killing, spending spree... He prayed. And he took those who he knew could also lift him in prayer. But, like us, they were human focused.... You see, Jesus was God focused. The disciples were Jesus focused and most (before the Twelve) never went past being focused on Jesus, and the Twelve who were taught by him closely could not go any further until all of his words became truth to them.

Even before his death, they who were brought by him to pray for him, were sleeping. They tried to keep watch and heavy sleep overcame them each time. My belief is that this was done to show them their flesh... Jesus a tone point told them, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41) This wasn't to show who he loved more, this was to show that he loved despite of our weakness. We all fall short, we all have days where we forget or have to consciously remind ourselves to pray or read in our Word. Yet He still loves us. He warned them and us at the end of this chapter that we can sleep and rest later, but during times of extreme struggle and trials, in those times when we feel like we could die (Matthew 26:38), we need to know that sleeplessness and restlessness will come from time to time.

There is a trend we are right in the middle of, myself included, where in the wee morning hours, even before the sun is up, we wake up out of our sleep and reach for our links to social media. I've seen it and done it.... You see the words from believers that have become a banner for the early risers... "why am I up," instead of "I'm up, who can I pray for?" And this is no means for condemnation! I have been there and then beat myself up for wasting such precious time. But this is what's missing... what's lacking in the verse from Matthew 26. We are lacking the drive, the stamina, the strength to pus through our flesh who has become as loud as ever and listen His Spirit within us. We then use the excuse "Hey, I'm human," or "God knows my heart!" Yes we are and yes He does! That's where the issue lies! He knows that we are merely human and need guidance. That's why Jesus walked the Earth instead of just "dying on the cross for us", to show us how to do this as a human. He was human "and yet did not sin" (Hebrews 4:15). He also knows our heart, that' why Jesus had to come be a living sacrifice for us, because our heart, our flesh is evil. But just as Jesus pushed past the pain he KNEW he would go through for us who repeatedly turn our backs to Him, we need to do the same when it comes to our flesh and feelings. It's also why He sent Holy Spirit after Him. Because He knew we would need a constant Teacher to guide us.

Lord, forgive our unknowing and blatant sin of feeding this vile flesh! Help us to starve this ticket to hell and nourish our spirit by following Yours! Help us to fill the void... what's lacking with Your Word and not with idle or idol things.... Thank You for Your grace and mercy in dealing with us, Your children. In Jesus name! Amen!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Seeing In the Dark

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Job 13:15a


Why are you cast down, O my soul,


Why are you cast down, O my soul,

Today has already been a hard day... It started out as any other. I woke up, read my Bible plan for the day (I even did it before looking at Facebook) and prepared to take my mom to work. I woke my youngest up as she gets ready while I am gone. Last night she had a little attitude because I got on her about not moving when I tell her to do something and even addressed her mumbling to her brother (he's next for listening and not correcting). But this morning, she was fine and even joyful! A new day, thank You Lord! I dropped her off, came to get my oldest and take her to work and my focus began to shift to how little gas we have (for the rest of the week, mind you). I stopped focusing on God and began focusing on what I didn't have. The enemy settles in so subtly and then goes in for the kill... 

By the time I got back, I knew my prayer time would be rough but I was okay, so I thought. I turned on my prayer playlist on YouTube and got ready... and then the tears began. The shame began to flow through, the the guilt rose up... again. Last night replayed and how my youngest wanted seconds but we didn't have enough and so she seemed disappointed. I seemed to have been too busy to recognize my broken heart over that until today. Emotions seemed to sweep over me... what I can't do, how I am not equipped, how tired I am of things, what I need... Me me me... 

I read a prophetic word that was anonymously given on Sunday to me and even that seemed to bring more tears of how worthless I am, alone. This seemed to be a rough chaffing day, a day of God removing some things that were deeply planted in my heart. And even as I replayed our eviction, the many times in need, the bills I can't seem to catch up to, the tuition and teachers who count on it I let down, my daughter's trip in less than two weeks which I don't have the money for (less the donation given). I seem let everyone down or say what shouldn't be said or continuously ask for things (beg)... 

So as I cried, I wrote this down (bare with me, it's long):
My confessions: I'm tired of being broke. I'm tired of not having what's needed. I'm tired of being homeless and my kids sleeping on the floor or not having what they need. I can't seem to do this right, not even at the end of my daughter's last year. I can't seem to fight procrastination and spending. I can't seem to stay focused. I can't do this. I am broken. I am alone. I am lonely. I am without help. I am lying to myself and others when I seem okay or good with it. I am not. I am always 3 steps behind when there are blessings to be had. I need help. I need to hear Your voice, Your wisdom, Your instructions for me. I need provision. I need to see the manifestations. I need to have faith and trust You more. I need to know and see that this is almost over. I repent of my selfish perspective and vain imaginations. I repent of my pride. I repent of my attitude and lack of focus. I repent of not seeking Your Kingdom and not following through. I repent of not seeking Your face but instead Your hands. I repent of keeping some of my life away from You. I repent of serving manna, not You. HELP MY UNBELIEF!!!!! I don't believe the provision will come. I don't believe I will receive Your promises because I don't deserve them. I don't believe that someone will bless us with a vehicle and house but that you want me to work for it all, not so ministry. I don't believe I can do what's needed to prepare my kids for their futures. 

And then I realized that something was happening. I was hearing truths spoken in my spirit as I spoke out these emotions and lies and venom about His daughter whom He loves. My feeling are real, my thoughts are real, how I feel right now is real... But His truth in my life is even more real. So then as I read this out loud, I realized some truths and said these things: I'm tired but You are my strength. You said I could come if I am weary and you would give me strength. I can't but You can. You said with me this is impossible, but with You ALL things are possible (that just choked me up again, dang it! I'm almost out of tissue). I feel like nothing right now but I am made new in You. You said You would never leave me nor forsake me. You would never see Your seed begging bread. I do need, but it's You that I need. You said You would give my daily bread and in that I need to trust. As I repent, I know I am forgiven. 

In the course of this crying out, wanting pass over the bad stuff and realizing I need more of His presence, not what's in His wallet, I am still worried, I am still stressed, I can't see my way out of this darkness... But He can. And that's all I need to rest in right now. 

If I go or not, if my daughter is able to go or not, if we lose the rest of what we have, we STILL have CHRIST and that can never change. He never leaves or forgets us, we walk away and forget Him. 

Thank You God for walking me through this painful reminder today that You are all that I need. I still hope that all turns out well and that someone will bless us with what is needed to go, to move in, to drive but even if none of it happens, Your Word is still true and You are still good and for that I worship you. 


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Transparent Direction

So Tuesday, I was up early and moving. Jumped into my Word but didn’t really pray, which I really need every day because. I had to get my son to the college he will be attending in the fall (a WHOLE nother story). So on the way there, I use my Verizon app for directions, Navigator, which I downloaded the day before. We got there relatively easy but left a little too late to get to the school on time (story of my life!). Well he got there in enough time to get a mini tour which would be finished after his college placement test and I was able to leave quickly. SN: It is not the same leaving your child at college as it is in their first daycare/ school. Anyway, so I start out to leave, once again using the Navigator and I notice that I am not going the same way. Then as I start to leave, not waiting for it to upload, it keeps "recalculating route" (literally that what it says). Each time it does, I have to go through some sort of mini thorough way or residential area, making my trip longer and longer. Then as I get to a road I know, it tells me to go another way. Much to my dismay and frustration, I come out on that same street! "WTHeck!” is what I said out loud (would that be WTHeckOL for facebook abbreviation???) I finally got so mad that I shut the thing down and went the way I knew, what I really wanted was to throw the phone out the window!



Now at first, trying to be all spiritual, I ask God what He needed me to learn out of that frustrating experience. Then without even waiting for the answer I made up my own, that I have to listen to His direction in order to get where He needs me to go. SMH! Then I started contemplating and listening up until even now when I JUST got confirmation of what the lesson was! I need to SLOW DOWN!! Not all of His answers and routes in my life will happen so quickly! Sometimes He will have me take the longer back roads just so that I can spend more time in Him, in training! And finally sometimes the quickest road is not always the BEST road to take! Sheesh Lord! I’m so thankful that You take the time with me, show me how to take time with others and the things You need me to! Amen!!!



Lesson from His heart to me shared with you: Take your time! The world is not our worry. Things are perishing every day. Our focal point while in labor with His blessings is to be His Kingdom... (Again my life verse) Matthew 6:33. "Seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness..." We don’t have to worry, as a matter of fact He commands us not to several times! We do not have to fear what is to come... or what is not, we are to focus on HIM! And He is not a microwave god so the fast-food mentality of learning and meditating will not work. Some days He will have a quick lesson for us and others will be long and "drug out." Nevertheless, we should take our time with what He gives us, good and bad, just as He takes His time with us!