Basic Training

Proclaim this among the nations: Consecrate for war; stir up the mighty men. Let all the men of war draw near; let them come up.

Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears; let the weak say, "I am a warrior."

Hasten and come, all you surrounding nations, and gather yourselves there. Bring down your warriors, O LORD.

Let the nations stir themselves up and come up to the Valley of Jehoshaphat; for there I will sit to judge all the surrounding nations.

Put in the sickle, for the harvest is ripe. Go in, tread, for the wine press is full. The vats overflow, for their evil is great. Joel 3:9-13 So, this has been an interesting year already, huh?? I mean, I know I am not the only one going through hardships, trials, storms and struggles that end in loss! Even if no one speaks up, His Word assures me that across the world, brothers are going through the same trials as me! Isn't that a relief to know? Doesn't that make it that much easier?? No?? No, I didn't think so either. But let me share what I have learned over these past 6 months of this year. I have learned how to stand. I have learned how to fasten my armor (although I don't always do it). I have learned what my battle cry is and how to use it. I have learned my limits and that God is limitless. I have learned to take the mask off and be wen more transparent, not just blunt. Most importantly, I have learned to seek I know how much my ABBA truly does love me. I have cried, contemplated suicide, tried to give up, fumbled and dropped the ball, blamed myself, blamed others, befriended deceit and offense, and held grudges throughout this journey. Yet, as the dust settles and my eyes clear, I notice that I am still standing. No, not in the same place as when I started this year with my "one power word for the year" and determination. No, unlike Natalie Grant, I have been moved, but I m STILL on the Rock!! He is STILL my foundation! I have been at my lowest this year, losing my house after 12 long years and having to stay with my mom again. But I am still breathing, I am still moving and I am still loved by my King! Now let me tell you HOW this was achieved. We are in an intense battle right now. We are fighting for our rights, for our freedom, for our voice to be heard, our dignity, respect and even Constitution to be honored as it was written not as we want it to read. That battle, as good as it is, has taken us away from what we are to be in battle mode for. Notice I said battle mode. Our battle mode, stance if you will, is to be standing on His Word, interceding on our behalf and others. And we get there through intense training. Take basic training, for instance. As I was listening to Pastor Paul Sheppard, he spoke about being in the military and how basic training is not a vacation! He even suggested to ask someone in the military about it. Well, as a child of TWO military people, I can tell you they say it is hard! My mom talked once about an infection she got while they were in combat training because she had to keep moving.  And it doesn't end with harsh basic training. Any training is not a day at the spa! Training for a marathon with a friend right now, I am having to cut out certain foods I love to not only lose weight but keep from gaining it as well. On the job training (OJT) can be hard to keep up with depending on what is needed to know and how much time you have to learn it.  The point is, everything that you go through is training. When we start viewing our circumstances, trials, storms, hardships and strife as training instead of wasting time asking why Lord and assuming He, who cannot lie and has said He would NEVER leave nor forsake us, is not near us and doesn't love us or is punishing us, THEN we can be proactive in our training and take it for what it is worth, a strengthening of our faith and dependence on God so that He can get ALL the glory!! The next few weeks, I want to go over the armor of God, piece by piece so that we will be well equipped when going out the door, or for some waking up with the enemy close at hand. It's time to wake up Christian soldiers!! We have a battle line we should be standing at and nations to be praying for! Will you join me in this training??

Transparent Eulogy

  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge will give to me on that day, 2 Tim 4:7-8a

In light of the passing of Maya Angelou, I have been led to write this post. I was never such a fan that I had every work of hers but I loved that she wrote. I loved that she showed millions of young women that we, too, could write. And as most times with a celebrity or someone I don't know, I wonder where she is right now. Amidst all of her good works, what was her relationship with Christ? It also begs me to wonder what it will be like for me when I get that long awaited call to go Home. Thus, I am writing my own eulogy.

I know many people are creeped out at the thought of writing their own eulogy or what will be said on their stones. Many even avoid talking about or planning their memorials/ burials. I have heard it said that if it is planned, that means death will come soon. The truth is, death is already here. It's just a question of when and if.... Yes, I said if. If you are in Christ, you merely close your eyes on this side and open them at Home much like as if you were closing them and waiting to come to a surprise someone has for you. Only, Heaven is no surprise to us who are in Christ Jesus! The only surprise will be what it actually looks like and what we will do in His presence. I wonder about that too.

In my years, I have had a few close deaths in my family and even some in friends or friends of my kids. Of my family, none have been as world rocking as my Grandma and friends, none as shocking and unsuspecting as my friend Derrick, who I had just seen right before his passing. But this month, has almost taken a toll, so to speak. A vibrant, beautiful, young lady named Sarah was killed on my daughter's birthday. She was a friend to my daughter in more ways than one, a classmate and a fellow energetic girl! I have to admit that I envy her! She is now where I long to be.... Home. I also had a scare with a youth from a previous youth group who was shot that same weekend. I consider him a son, a prodigal son and so I am thankful he is still breathing!

Now, on to my eulogy. It's not long, it's not drug out, it's not even the deepest and greatest of words. My passing will be followed by cremation and memorial. This is what will be read and posted on whatever memorial rock my children choose:  "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge will give to me on that day, 2 Tim 4:7-8a. She lived, she loved, she is Home." Whoever will be there, whatever they will say, however they choose to remember me, these are the last words I want to be remembered by..... How about you? Don't give up just yet! If you still have breath, you still have hope!

He Has Risen!

"He is not here; for He has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay." Matthew 28:6 NKJV

It seems that these days, everyone is searching for the existence of something. Historians are searching for the existence of certain things in history; paranormal investigators are searching for the existence of ghosts, demons or whatever. What are you searching for the existence of? 

The one thing Christians, true followers, should NOT be searching for is the existence of Christ. We should be able to feel it, live it. We should be able to look at our lives and others who are in the Family and say, "I see Christ." But that's not always the case, is it? Sometimes we don't feel Him near or see Him at work in others. Sometimes we even blend in with the world. It's at those times that I will find myself searching for His existence in what I used to do; I will go back to where I was to find Him. 

What a wonderful reminder this angel gave to the two women and gives to us each time we don't feel Him or forget. "He is not here..." are some of the most powerful words I know! It's proof of His resurrection! He is the only historical figure that we can say that about! What a refreshing and hopeful bit of knowledge! To know that our LORD and Savior not only died for our sins but He also conquered the grave by rising from it! And we will do the same when we close our eyes on this side if we believe! But it doesn't stop there! We can die to our old ways and be resurrected in Him by living a new life! The promise is that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" and in order to be that we have to let the "old things" be passed away. 

He died for me. He died for you! What are you dying to for Him? He didn't stay the same, and neither should we.

Have an awesome Resurrection celebration and a happy Easter!! 

Transparent Strength

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Romans 15:1

My goodness, does this verse ask so much!! I mean seriously! That's like asking a toddler to perform open heart surgery! Or.... is it? 

Could it be that we make this out to be more than it is? I mean, when we have a weakness, we want people to bear with us. We say things like "please be patient with me, GOD is not through with me yet" which is also a song, or we plaster bumper stickers on our car that say "Under Construction." And that's okay because God is NOT done with us until we get Home! But we tend to be what I recently heard described as "me centered," and forget that others need this same grace from us.

I tend to have this "me centeredness" when it comes to family, mostly, but everyone at some point. My mom and kids tend to be unknowing targets at times. I can be very apt to want them to show grace if I'm late or forget something but then get angry when the same happens with them.

Most recently, my mom and I were going through a rough patch and I had forgotten to do something for her that was important. I reluctantly told her and braced myself for the backlash because this was really important to her. I wanted her to show me grace, however when I told her and she blew up at me, I didn't show the same grace. You see, I am one of those people that don’t like things to be repeated. I don’t know why, but I can't stand that! And this particular day, among other things that were happening, my mom wanting to go over what I had forgotten, just was not in my fave list. Simply put, I did not want to be reminded of my "failings". And so I in turn blew up at her. I'm so thankful that GOD does not keep account of our failings and bears with us. Aren't you? 

Think about the rude store clerk, customer service person, your child's teacher or church family member that rubs you the wrong way. This verse is for them as much as it's for you. Remember that we are bearing with those who are weak, those who go back to the drug or the abuser or the crutch that we minster to them about; not to please us but to help them. 

LORD, thank You that You forgive my selfish rants, my self-centered ways that block the view of people the way You see them. Help me to remember today that my view is not the same and to look at everyone from Your eyes. Amen!

Transparent Pressure

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—" 2 Cor 4:8-9 This week has been a doozy! I have been in some form of spiritual attack for a while but March 1st seemed to have intensified and magnified each feat the enemy brings my way.  This last one, I thought might crush me because it involved two of my children at the same time! Anyone that knows me knows that is a way to get to me, a "weak spot" of sorts with me.  Last summer, GOD led my oldest through a trial through her job that tested her and showed her some areas of concern such as fear of man and harboring anger. As much as I wanted to step in, I knew that I could not. While I guided her as much as I was allowed, it was not my fight but that didn't stop me from being angry at all involved.  This time around, it's my middle and youngest being attacked and that same anger and helplessness has bubbled back up to the surface. I know that this trial is not just for them but for me as well as this is bringing up muck in me that GOD simply cannot use and wants to file away in the File 13 far away from my, and their, hearts. This verse is and will be instrumental in this victory of ours.  My son has the desire to be a teacher/ track coach/ youth minister. That is not a desire manufactured by him or his surroundings but given him by GOD. His life, on the other hand has not really afforded what one would call or see as an exemplary life that would lead to such a high calling. Thank GOD there is no man on earth who is GOD! My son has had his prodigal son moment and still has some residue being removed but has been given a new robe by GOD. During his prodigal walk, he had isolated himself, had compromised and is a father in waiting. For man, this is looked at as unacceptable for his calling and some would have him not only reminded constantly by man made consequences but also deter him to another calling that is not as high up. In this instance, is leadership in the place where he has chosen to help out with track. Through others eyes and words, he has been deemed unfit to help coach without even so much of a personal conversation, just judgment. He was "hard pressed" but not crushed and I reminded him of that. Although leadership did not take the biblical stance when having something against a person who has sinned, my son will be. Am I angry, yes. I trusted this person and because they are Christian I held them to a higher standard and forgot (just as he has done with my son) that we all fall short. Stamp this one as lesson learned.  My daughters attack has been on her health. She had what we thought was back pain, mom-diagnosed as sciatica but not because of physical strain but a spiritual attack. This entire weekend has been a tiring strain for both of is as she struggled to get comfortable and even pleaded that she only desired to sleep. Yesterday I found out differently. She had an incredibly large boil that had manufactured, it seemed, out of nowhere on her backside. I felt that anger rising up again but this time was ready! I had already that morning been in communion with GOD and renounced the spiritual root and was ready for battle. I had no idea it would be so intense. The day started with me leading her in prayer to renounce the same and to be released of the harness of burdens she was not to carry (she is a burden bearer) and she had a good day! And then we started home. An obnoxious smell (anyone with knowledge of a boil knows) filled the car and we went in search of it relentlessly but it wasn't until my daughter got out and we saw a wet stain, did she search herself. I hope somebody got that. A spiritual boil is just as painful as a real one. To get rid of it can be even more painful as pressure needs to be applied after a cut (double edged sword) is made. There is an offense (smell) and it will need to be searched out if you are unaware of the source of your pain.  Well we found the source was this boil. I was instructed to send her to ER and more rose up in me. I hate ER, I hate germs and I hate being around sick people that don't take care to block others from their germs (I'm being honest). But I had to get over all this to get my daughter the help needed. What a battle this was in my head! I won't go into details of the pain and agony my child was in as they got rid of this thing as I sat with her helpless to end her pain and crying. No, I wasn't helpless. I could have stopped them. I could have said never mind or no more. But I knew this was for the greater good. Isn't that how GOD is with us? Isn't that how He was with Christ? He doesn't sit idly by wringing His hands. He is with us, comforting us, encouraging us, never leaving or forgetting about us. One thing my daughter kept asking was "where's nana?" I wondered why she didn't ask where I was but then it dawned on me. She KNEW I was there! She knew I wasn't leaving! THAT'S how GOD wants us to be! He wants us to be that confident through our trials. He reminds us of this much like I reminded my daughter in her morphine induced state of what her favorite (life) verse is... and she still knew it! John 16:33.... Which reminds us that we WILL go through things, that we can be sure of. But we can also be sure that Jesus has overcome this world and that GOD will NEVER leave us!  My daughter is still working at her job and has overcome the challenges of hiding from those who seem to be after her. My son is no worse for the ware and will nevertheless teach, coach and spread the GOOD News that Jesus can use and call anyone no matter how rugged their paths have been. My youngest daughter is coming down from the morphine high, still in pain but getting back to herself. Me? I have learned that I can't save my kids all the time, I have hidden anger and offense and that healing is not always easy. Sometimes it comes from pain.

Transparent Letter

"For if in anything I have boasted to him about you, I am not ashamed. But as we spoke all things to you in truth, even so our boasting to Titus was found true." 2 Cor 7:14

I was led to this hidden nugget earlier this morning in my morning devotional and had to write and share. I have to admit, when I first read it I asked GOD what it was supposed to mean to me. He then had me read two verses previous and the one following and that's when I understood. 

Paul had written this letter to Corinth in response to their treatment and hospitality to Titus. *Sidenote*: We really should study more about Corinth!! They welcomed him with open arms and so every boast (rejoice) made about Corinth was proven true. Titus was well cared for and loved even up to his departure. Isn't that how a church is supposed to be? Full of the grace and mercy that was so undeservedly extended to us? Welcoming those that enter in our "city" because they are sent or allowed by our Father? *Okay, another side note* Do you realize that if all churches who bear His name and seek after His will would love and provide for guests in this way, even those sent with ill will by their father, Satan, would be drenched in His love causing them to surrender to Him or flee?! 

Too many times in the church building we are more involved in and worried about keeping OUR bylaws and making sure everyone who enters knows and abides by them as well MORE than keeping His command to love our neighbor and each other. What a sad situation we have put ourselves in. We are nowhere near hated for Jesus' namesake. That would mean we love everyone while accepting them as they are but hating the sin. THAT would mean we would be speaking His Truth in totality, not watering down to satisfy everyone's uncomfortableness with What His Word says. And THAT would mean while we have our own stand on certain things and choose to stand against "freedoms" that lead to eternal bondage for our family in Christ, we wouldn't presuppose this on those who have no idea of His goodness, love or sacrifice that was also for them. 

What if.... we led our worship, our church service in such a way that even when someone in a particular sin walked in and heard the Truth spoken about that sin, they either cried out and surrendered to GOD or got up and walked away? What if there were no requirements of "minimum" tithe and offering amounts or judgmental stares at a person not in what we assume is the "Sunday best"? What if at the door they were so loved and well cared for that we received a letter from GOD stating a job well done, that His boast in us was found true? 

That is essentially what this verse says to me, practically speaking. We have gotten away from caring for each other and guests that visit. He is calling us to go back to the simpler times and listen to His guidance on dealing with guests who visit us. Our pastors should not have to prompt us to greet an smile. It should not be awkward to take a collection up for a needy family in our midst, whether attendees of our church or not instead of trying to "help them help themselves". No! That's what this Christian community is supposed to be about! None of us should be in lack for so long that we give up or look to this lost world for help. We need to get back to it. 

If GOD wrote us a letter about someone He sent to us, unbeknownst to us, what would our letters say? 

Father, thank You for forgiving our repetitive sins and disobedience. We have been distracted with whose church is best and whose theology makes more sense and which laws someone isn't following. We have forgotten the simpler things, to love and care for. We are so worried about how outrageous someone looks, acts or dresses when they come in "our" church that we forgot that this is Your hospital and we Your Body are to aid in healing.  Help us to get back to worship and work. In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Marriage

"For your Maker is your husband....." Isaiah 54:5  I'm gonna be brutally honest and transparent (after all, that is the name of the blog). I long for a husband. I desire to be married, to have a life partner of physical form doing battle with and for me. I long for a husband who could have shown my daughters what true love from a man looks like and my son how to be that man. I long for late night talks, daily plans of splitting who will go to who's activity or even just someone to hold me while I vent, stew or cry. And I want to be able to do that for someone. I want the many battles marriage brings and the seemingly endless attacks that draw the attention from the enemy of our souls and his battalion. The very foul essence that seems to be breaking up families right now and has forged war on marriage created by GOD, I want....  Yes I'm sure you think I'm crazy. I'm sure those who are married, separated or wishing they could get out of their marriage right now are saying, "Are you crazy?! Stay single! You have no idea how hard it is!" Well, as a lost person I was married. And it was hell! And I know now that I would never step out of His will to comfort my flesh! Yes, back then, in my lost state, I would have agreed. In fact I did. But now that I am redeemed, let me tell you what I know as an unmarried mother of three.  I know that no battle is too hard for my GOD. I know that the end is better than the beginning. I know that while money, kids and communication (or lack of it) may seem to wearing you down in your marriage, He is standing near to lift you up and strengthen you. I know that every good and perfect gift is from our first Husband. I know that the journey is hard and long and sometimes full of dry patches but I also know that if you journey with your husband and GOD, it will not be worthless. Ask any older couple was it worth it. Not those who are bitter and angry, but those who have overcome the bitterness, trials, anger, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, etc. and I also know that you have the opportunity to have a "cord of three" but do you know that? Did you forget or did your marriage happen or become about you and what's done to or not done for you? One of the most important and most ignored aspects of marriage that I know is how it shapes, grows and can even kill (yes kill) your child(ren). A good marriage (not the façade of one) will grow great relationships with and for the children. A struggling one that endures will even show kids how to hang on, keep going as long as battles are healthy. But a marriage that quits? It only shows a child how to quit. Prayerfully in time and/ or with discernment the child will decide to be better, to do better, to never ever give up (as a young cancer patient who started Joy Jars showed me shortly before she closed her eyes on this side). But it will prove to be harder, more fight than necessary and draining to say the least. I know that on both sides, as a child of divorce ad a parent whose children had to be drug through one.  So no, I don't know your story. I don't know what you've been through. I don't condone abuse and know that GOD does not like the mistreatment of His daughters. That's something totally different. And even though I don't know why you aren't "happy" or why you are contemplating or going through a divorce, He knows. And I know Him and I know that He loves you and longs for an intimate relationship with you. Look at your husband the way GOD does. See through his flaws and love through his multitude of sins (even leaving the seat up). And for you single ladies reading, love the LORD your GOD with all you heart and all your strength and all your mind and all your soul. What I just realized is in all my wanting a husband, I need to learn to love the Husband who redeemed me first. I need to focus on Him and the fact that He never fails first before preparing for a man who will most assuredly disappoint me.  So, while I still desire to be married, I rejoice in the only marriage truly made in Heaven, I invite you to as well! This entire chapter of Isaiah, 54, speaks to the weary. It just spoke to me as a "single" woman and mom. Let it speak to you as single and married folk! Let Him be your Husband, your Lord, your Kinsmen Redeemer. Only then will the mortal, fleshy man He gave to you temporarily be lifted and loved in the way he was designed to be.  GOD, forgive me for searching for love everywhere but in Your face. Thank You for being my Redeemer and my Friend, my Love and my Lord! Sustain me GOD and help me to be content and satisfied in You until (if) You send a companion to find me. And if not, You are more than enough!