Transparent Marriage

"For your Maker is your husband....." Isaiah 54:5  I'm gonna be brutally honest and transparent (after all, that is the name of the blog). I long for a husband. I desire to be married, to have a life partner of physical form doing battle with and for me. I long for a husband who could have shown my daughters what true love from a man looks like and my son how to be that man. I long for late night talks, daily plans of splitting who will go to who's activity or even just someone to hold me while I vent, stew or cry. And I want to be able to do that for someone. I want the many battles marriage brings and the seemingly endless attacks that draw the attention from the enemy of our souls and his battalion. The very foul essence that seems to be breaking up families right now and has forged war on marriage created by GOD, I want....  Yes I'm sure you think I'm crazy. I'm sure those who are married, separated or wishing they could get out of their marriage right now are saying, "Are you crazy?! Stay single! You have no idea how hard it is!" Well, as a lost person I was married. And it was hell! And I know now that I would never step out of His will to comfort my flesh! Yes, back then, in my lost state, I would have agreed. In fact I did. But now that I am redeemed, let me tell you what I know as an unmarried mother of three.  I know that no battle is too hard for my GOD. I know that the end is better than the beginning. I know that while money, kids and communication (or lack of it) may seem to wearing you down in your marriage, He is standing near to lift you up and strengthen you. I know that every good and perfect gift is from our first Husband. I know that the journey is hard and long and sometimes full of dry patches but I also know that if you journey with your husband and GOD, it will not be worthless. Ask any older couple was it worth it. Not those who are bitter and angry, but those who have overcome the bitterness, trials, anger, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, etc. and I also know that you have the opportunity to have a "cord of three" but do you know that? Did you forget or did your marriage happen or become about you and what's done to or not done for you? One of the most important and most ignored aspects of marriage that I know is how it shapes, grows and can even kill (yes kill) your child(ren). A good marriage (not the façade of one) will grow great relationships with and for the children. A struggling one that endures will even show kids how to hang on, keep going as long as battles are healthy. But a marriage that quits? It only shows a child how to quit. Prayerfully in time and/ or with discernment the child will decide to be better, to do better, to never ever give up (as a young cancer patient who started Joy Jars showed me shortly before she closed her eyes on this side). But it will prove to be harder, more fight than necessary and draining to say the least. I know that on both sides, as a child of divorce ad a parent whose children had to be drug through one.  So no, I don't know your story. I don't know what you've been through. I don't condone abuse and know that GOD does not like the mistreatment of His daughters. That's something totally different. And even though I don't know why you aren't "happy" or why you are contemplating or going through a divorce, He knows. And I know Him and I know that He loves you and longs for an intimate relationship with you. Look at your husband the way GOD does. See through his flaws and love through his multitude of sins (even leaving the seat up). And for you single ladies reading, love the LORD your GOD with all you heart and all your strength and all your mind and all your soul. What I just realized is in all my wanting a husband, I need to learn to love the Husband who redeemed me first. I need to focus on Him and the fact that He never fails first before preparing for a man who will most assuredly disappoint me.  So, while I still desire to be married, I rejoice in the only marriage truly made in Heaven, I invite you to as well! This entire chapter of Isaiah, 54, speaks to the weary. It just spoke to me as a "single" woman and mom. Let it speak to you as single and married folk! Let Him be your Husband, your Lord, your Kinsmen Redeemer. Only then will the mortal, fleshy man He gave to you temporarily be lifted and loved in the way he was designed to be.  GOD, forgive me for searching for love everywhere but in Your face. Thank You for being my Redeemer and my Friend, my Love and my Lord! Sustain me GOD and help me to be content and satisfied in You until (if) You send a companion to find me. And if not, You are more than enough!

Transparent Struggle

pray without ceasing.... 1 Thess 5:17

I am at the point of parenting where I want to give up! I just want to throw in the towel and say forget it, I'm done. I mean my kids are 22, 20 and 16, so it's not like I would be abandoning infants. *sigh* Now don't get me wrong. I love my kids to life! I would have a all out drag out street fight for my kids. I would take a bullet for my kids. Yes I would die for them. But I've come to a point where I have to decide that I won't die BECAUSE of them. 

Here's my issue.  I have three very different, very intelligent, very creative kids. I have allowed them, for the most part, to express their creativity since they were younger. Probably, no, most definitely when I should have been teaching practical things like manners and loving their neighbor/ siblings, sharing and showing the love of Christ, I was letting them run in the house, yell and play like crazy. It's my fault, I'm sure of it and now I have to face that portion. I have to look the sweet kids who loved to be outside and laugh at my dry jokes, who I should have taught chores, responsibility and the art of putting self last, in the face and say I failed you as a mom back then. All the homemaking, homeschooling got it all together moms remind me of that all the time. 

And then I read a blog or status on Facebook where a mom flipped out on her kids. I hear a mom admit to not caring if they didn't clean up right now, or I go to a moms house who says sorry for the mess! And I realize that I am no different, I'm not the only screw up that allowed things that should not have been. I have even ditched certain no brainers in discipline because I wasn't allowed to do it. And then I also remember.... I'm redeemed!

I remember that God pursued me for 39 yrs before I surrendered and even the not had to have been such a battle to me to that calm state you get wild horses to after throwing a rope they weren't prepared for around them. I complained, I lied still, I even harbored anger towards people and I'm sure I caused a commotion or two. Sheesh! Now that I think about it, He has to be GOD to have not given up on me! Everyone else has before! So how dare I even think about giving up on my kids. 

They have been disobedient, reckless with their lives at times, rebellious enough for Billy Idol to yell ENOUGH ALREADY!! But they are my kids. The children GOD lent to me for a short time. It's not their fault I wasted some of that time but even still, I'm glad GOD used me to pour something's into them. The verse Matthew 7:11 comes to mind when I say this. In my being evil, I knew certain things to tell them or show them. Thank You for that LORD. 

I was at a crossroads for a while now. I didn't want to "stifle their creativeness", I also didn't want spoiled snots for kids. So I spoke with as much love as I could muster up when they irritated me. I tried pouring into them when I was angry to reassure them I loved them. But I never pulled that love of the Father into it. I never said, "Lord, show me these baybay kids from Your eyes." I didn't see that His way was more important to instill than to make friends or make sure they weren't mad at family members. While I could go on with the "shoulda woulda couldas," I choose to MOVE ON and be the mom I need to be at this stage in life. After all, if GOD had given up on me when I was their ages, I would be a MESS right now clenched onto my one way ticket to hell!! I'm so glad He saved me!! Aren't you? Make sure your kids will be too....

The REAL Reason for this season!

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. (Luke 2:1 ESV)

Yesterday while scrolling my Facebook page, I saw a lot of posts dripping with anger, resentment and sarcasm delivered by depression. I remember feeling sad for those who don't care to celebrate such a time as the birth of Christ. Granted, no His birth was not in the dead of winter, nor was it how most movies depict it. And I get why some choose not to celebrate because it is also a time of Winter Solstice celebration formally named Jól which is a pagan celebration in which a Yule (tide) feast is given to honor a certain god. I can see that this time of year is racked by greedy retailers who while trying to make the most money by having the best "deals" have simultaneously attempted to take Christ out of the equation or by consumers and retailers alike have begun the process of rushing a time of thanksgiving in November to get to the buying and gift getting instead of giving. I will most likely get a lot of flack about this post, then again I have been surprised before. Here is my outtake and why as Christ followers we cannot ignore this season for a certain Reason.

In school, I remember having certain friends who hated the fact that their birthdays were in the summer because they did not have good "turnouts" for their parties. My daughter has a few friends who are like that. But now the new trend, a smart one I say, is to hold a party after school is back in session. Even my youngest daughters birthday falls at an awkward time now that she is in high school. Friends who are in spring sports don't have that much time attend parties as soccer, baseball/ softball and track are in full session. So we improvise and move the time of any celebration to before her birthday. I will even be celebrating my birthday beforehand as I prepare to go in a mission trip to Jamaica this next year (prayerfully). I say all that to point out it's not the date that's as important, it's the event. My children's birth dates will always be important to me but as they get older, we celebrate when time and funds permit. My two oldest are 2 years and a month apart and so for big celebrations, like this next one, we will celebrate in the middle of both for both. The date of Christ's being born is so significant to us as it was in biblical times because his birth came at a time of greedy rulers, despair, taxes that should have been illegal and a great outcry to God for the coming Savior that was foretold. But we seem to always have those things with us. Depression, poverty, sickness, greed, and a great outcry happen everyday. I believe there is a reason we do not know the exact day that Christ was born. Yes I know scholars have done extensive research with dates, seasons and even looking at the region and when the events normally happened. But if God wanted us to focus on an actual date, it would be in the Bible as many dates are. Don't you think Jesus' birth was that significant to Him that if He wanted us to know it, He would have told us? While many Christians are biting down on this "not celebrating the birth of Jesus" fad, I believe the enemy of our souls is able to step in and bring confusion to the table with him. We as children of the Most High argue with each other, non believers and those who aren't sure what they believe yet about whether to celebrate a day, whatever the actual date may be, when God was brought low in the form of man to exonerate man of sin by his ultimate sacrifice on a tree, which we also argue whether to celebrate His death and subsequent being raised from the dead (Easter). Am I saying promote the fantasy of Santa and the Easter Bunny in lieu of Christ's birth and sacrifice for us? No, not at all. When my children were a little younger, Easter baskets ad egg hunts were done on another day, usually the Saturday before, and even though I had not even had a personal relationship with Christ, His birth and sacrifice days were set aside for myself and my kids. As they got older, we moved gift exchange to New Years Day and well, there are no more Easter baskets.

Here's what I am ultimately saying, because I can be long winded. Luke is where the Disciple who took the time to explain some background about what was going on around Christ's birth. He tells of Caesar Agustus' newly required registry which would lead Joseph and Mary to Bethlehem. In a deeper look into those times, we find out that Herod, a fanatical Jewish wannabe, heard of the Messiah's coming and ordered the death of many male children. We find out about the famine, the wailing, etc. All of that is just as important as the actual birth to know God's perfect planning and timing for our lives. How can we then react as Pharisees would have with the Law and focus on a date instead of the importance? In two different places we are told in God's Word that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial (1 Corinthians 6:12, 10:23). The second time it is said has to do with giving God glory. So lets ask ourselves, if we celebrate this holiday, is there no way God can get the glory? Is there no way we can use this time to draw those to Christ, to be a light to this dark world? This, along with any disaster or tragedy, appears to be the only time most will be "kind" and support each other, even attend church. Shouldn't we take advantage of this opportunity as we are told in Colossians 3:23? My children and I have made changes to the way we celebrate CHRISTmas and I can see God positioning us to give, worship, to bless others, to give ourselves away, not because of the negative foundation of this holiday but because even what the world means for evil, God will use for good.... that is if we let Him use us. So with that, I say Merry CHRISTmas and pray you say the same!

ABBA, thank You for giving the ultimate Gift of Your only Son for us. Forgive us for making this about a date and falling into the pharisaical trap of the enemy while others are rapidly removing from Him this celebration. Help us not to be so careful of dotting "i's" and crossing "t's" that we forget that, Jesus YOU are the Reason for this season no matter how it came about. Wake us up and set us right, Lord. And if for some reason it is not Your will for us to use this time to celebrate you and give to others unprecedentedly and with great avidity while teaching our children of the greatest Gift ever, then forgive me for my ignorance and You teach me! In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Arrival

But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. (Mark 13:32, 33 ESV)

Well, its December 22, 2012 and the works is still here, along with everyone else that opened their eyes today. There is a song that I used to love when I was younger! I never knew the meaning of the band Queen making this song and I didn't know all the lyrics but I loved the song, Another One Bites the Dust! That's how I feel about this latest prediction of the world ending in December 21, 2012!

Since 1970, a very significant year for me, there have been 41 predictions concerning the end of the world. Obviously, all attempts have failed, however I bring this up because in plain sight and in black and white it is said that "no man" knows (KJV) the day or the hour. The word for "hour" in the Greek text is hora (pronounced hōrä) and can mean a time or season. My question if it is written in black and white, why are so many who claim to be of faith and "know God" still trying hard to produce a date? Seriously, do we really want to know and will that bring about change or just laziness and selfishness until the time is near? Perhaps we don't know because if we did, this is precisely what would happen. Which brings me to verse 32. While Jesus answered the Disciples question of when the signs he talked about would be done, his answer of no man knows, he also gave them a command that is prevalent yet forgotten today. He told them to be on guard and keep awake because no one knows the time.

I can remember CHRISTmas season as a child before my parents divorce. I can remember always thinking how silly my parents were to try and hide my presents from me. I would search every year from the age if about 7 to 12, the CHRISTmas after they separated, and would always find my presents! I would incorporate my brother in this feat as well, after knowing he wouldn't go run his mouth telling on me of course! One important factor is to know that we are military brats. So we moved quite a bit. A few of these times, my junior detective work would be in a new house, but I always solved the mystery! When done, I would carefully lift off the tape, glad tape is much stronger these days, and open the presents, just a bit, to see what I was getting.... okay and to tease my brother about knowing what he was getting in those years before his preschool detective work. I was always excited to know what my presents were and that upped my anticipation for CHRISTmas morning when I could tear into those carefully wrapped bags and boxes only to leave the living room in a huge wrapping paper debacle. But on that day, even though I woke up excited, would stare at the presents like a hungry lion does while laying in wait for that exact moment it's prey is oblivious to its presence, and mind you, I was up by 4:30-5am! Even though that anticipation boiled over like an old school percolator filled with coffee, when my parents, in what seemed to be DECADES later, came to the living room as a signal to start tearing into the flesh, I mean wrapping paper, I was never as excited as I was when I first knew what I was getting. I said all that to say, that's how us knowing when the end would be.

In such a sin soaked world, where the Burger King motto has become our new National Anthem, would we really use the time we knew the end date to wisely? Many terminally sick people spend their time with family and friends, doing things THEY never got to do and buying things THEY never had as if they could take it with them. When in fact, vs 15 says do not go back for anything. There are even those who have been diagnosed and go on a revenge spree hoping that they will have the time to "get right with God" before they die. Rarely has anyone been told, "you have this many days, months or years," and they sacrificed even more, spent more time in their Word, growing and hearing from God, dedicating even their last breath to live out His will for them, sharing His Gospel. Don't get me wrong, it is done. But those are people we don't hear about. They seem to die quiet deaths and only the hearts they touch cry out for them. The ones we do hear about are those who had no idea when they were going to die and spent their lives as His Light, radically changed for Him! This too is good. My point is, if we all knew when our "expiration date" was, would we continue the way we are? Why do we need a date to tell us we should surrender our lives to Jesus when we can do it now and live out our days filled with love, joy and peace as the adopted sons and daughters of the one true King and reap all the blessings He has for us?

The rumors of wars may or may not have begun, depends on who you ask. The Rapture may or may not be, and may or may not have happened already. Nations may be rising against each other, but they have been doing that for centuries. The world may be in labor pains to make way for Jesus or we could still be in the beginning, who knows! Birth is a complicated thing. But what I do know is He WILL be coming in a cloud, the same way He left in his ascension, and He will be coming to collect His elect. We have but one life, and how we live it, Who or what we serve will testify as to where we will be. He IS coming back and we do NOT know when that will be. Once you grasp hold of that, how will that alter how you live?

Heavenly Father, You reign on high! Yet You are so personable to be right here with us in the midst of all we go through. Help us to focus on You and not when You will come. Forgive us for being selfish people who sit and wait like at a bus stop, never interacting or speaking to anyone because we are only focused in our destination. Help us to be secure that You are coming back for us, like You promised, so that we can go about our lives in such a way that we bring people to that "bus stop" with us to ride to our destination Home with You. And for those who do not know You, who are wounded and as a result have chosen not to know You, help them to see the loving, faithful, just Father You are and because of You their lives would be forever changed! Start a WildFire in us and help us to be bold in proclaiming Your Gospel in all nations (Mark 13:10). Help us to endure these birthing pains and to be on guard and awake. Thank You that the days are growing shorter so that the time will grow nearer! Call us to repentance, Lord, and others to salvation! In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Voice

Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Spirit upon him; he will bring forth justice to the nations. He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street; a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice. He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his law. Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it: “I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols. Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.” Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise from the end of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it, the coastlands and their inhabitants.

Isaiah 42:1-10 (ESV)

Have you ever been so excited to go somewhere new that you got cold feet? Like, you started inventing new things to worry about and even starting praying for God to close the door to that opportunity? I know you can’t see but I am raising my hand right now! That happened to me twice this summer! The first time was when I went to enroll and take my entrance test for college. Now mind you, I am no “fresh out the egg” chicken and I have been to college before… several different times. Each time it was for something different and I just KNEW this was what I wanted to do ranging from psychology to youth ministry to early childhood development. But each time, I was missing something, God’s order.

          This last time, I asked God what it was He wanted me to do instead of praying for what I wanted to do. He answered just as quickly as if to say to me, “Well I’m glad you asked Felicia!” The answer was to get my teaching certificate. Something I had been hearing for years and took no time in running from that statement. This time, I not only stayed but made it a point to quickly enroll. The result? I am for the first time on the honor roll!

          The next time this summer was for a leadership summit in Chicago with my church. Now let me am really… transparent. I really only wanted to go because I had never been to Chicago! When the invitation was given me, I did not hesitate to say yes, no praying and getting back to them, no seeking God, nothing but yes! Then the time got closer… and closer… and closer. I started to have new inventions of things to worry about. What if someone broke into my house while my adult kids were home? What if my oldest daughter, who is working, missed the bus and my mom was at work and could not take her? What if my son, who was on summer break, just sat in the house all day on his computer or watching TV? What if my youngest, who is a sophomore in high school, needed me or needed to get to practices during the day? Did I really think they couldn’t get along without me? So I started to panic and ask God to close the very door I had recently asked Him to give me revelation as to whether I was to go. I no longer wanted to go somewhere that was 8 hours away from my kids who I raised to the best of my ability and handed over to God was I surrendered my life.

          A crazy thing happened a couple of days after praying with a friend and leader of the church who I shared this with. God opened another entrance to this very same door! My youngest two were able to go with me. I asked my oldest because I set it in my heart that if she couldn’t go or wasn’t invited, I wasn’t going either! But she declined and that left me standing at the door with no more excuses but to walk in. I will now be referring to her as the Infidel!!

          That week was awesome! First because I didn’t have to pay a red cent on this trip unless I wanted something to take back, and second because I had never been in Chicago (I don’t count the inside airport) and I was in awe with the nostalgic scent in the air, and lastly but most definitely not least the conference. The confirmation, the encouragement, the wisdom, and the ideas I received from that place! I was speechless! I think I took so many notes that I could write an informational booklet from them alone! Shout out time: Thank you Bridge Church, Willow Creek Church (Bill Hybel) and city of Chicago for such a great end of summer vacation this year and thank You Lord for being consistent and persistent in me going and learning from You!

          Okay, now for the parable lesson. There was one speaker that was very short in stature, I’m guessing no more than 5’0 tall and her voice was like that of a frail mouse. But she captured that room plus the other nations that watched by satellite with the power God had given her in her voice. It reminded me of the small still voice that we are to listen for when the chaos of this world seems to be distracting and luring us away with its loudness. We couldn’t help but listen. And then she read the very verse God has given me as my ministry… Isaiah 42:1-9. I was blown away! I wanted to get up and run away screaming but the Holy Spirit speaking through her dared me to stay and listen.

What she simply said was no matter how small the world and even the church sometimes thinks you are, you matter to God and His purpose. You are counted in as a warrior for His Kingdom and there is no more time to sit on the sidelines because someone else has told you that you don’t matter or you don’t have a speaking voice, or you aren’t the right model for a leader or have simply not noticed what you do because you are not in the limelight. Pranitha’s ministry is in the darkness rescuing modern day slaves who have given up on anyone ever saving them. Yet she goes where she can get shot at, kidnapped, arrested for being on private property and I would even guess that as I write this 3 weeks later that she is in the thick of going after men, women and children who are enslaved putting herself in the forefront of danger for the sake of the Kingdom. I had to ask myself, what have you done? I have to ask you, the reader, what have you done?

          Has someone lied and told you or tried to make you believe you and what your vision is didn’t matter and wouldn’t make it? People have told me for years I matter but only to the degree in which they wanted to use me. For 3 years I have been surrendered to Christ but living as a free slave of the world because I counted what leaders told me as true about me. That I needed a specific speaking style, that I needed some more training, that God wasn’t ready to release me yet and that what I had to offer wasn’t what they needed in their church. Pranitha opened, not unlocked, that door of bondage and I am walking out!

This week and into next I will be meditating on Psalm 139:23-24 and asking God do something difficult, asking Him to search my heart. He is already opening doors; I have just been too afraid and riddled with guilt and lies to walk in. I refuse to have the “rocks cry out on my behalf.” How about you?

Father God, I ask forgiveness for the bondage Your Son’s blood freed me from yet I went back to the comfort ability of it. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me to the life everlasting. Help me to step up and keep walking to step out! In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Peace

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10 (ASV)

My last post was 5 months ago at the end of August. I had just been through a near eviction and right after that having my water shut off for about 3 weeks. Needless to say, it was a hard and almost overbearing time. I had no income; unemployment seemed to be taking its sweet time coming and a very outstanding water bill, not to mention my children who God sent to me to lift me up in times just like this. I was broke AND broken yet it seemed this time all my broken pieces were held in the Hands of a very loving, very powerful Father. He told me each morning to be still. He told me every morning that He is God. Never did it become redundant to hear these words. He seemed to know exactly when to say them and each time, every morning they were sweet to my ears. I love my Dad!

Around this time, now that I think back, I was in the wilderness being sifted. During that time some uglies came out of me that I am not very proud to say even resided in me, but I gladly say that because of Who is in me, not what! He was continuing my healing process from the Heart transplant I had asked for not much earlier than this. I believe if He had revealed to me what He had planned to take me through, I would have opted out of it. I would have said, “No thanks. I appreciate what you are trying to do God but I can’t go through all that, not again. My kids can’t handle that again and they may even leave this time to go stay with their dad. Then where would I be? No, no thanks.”

Can you imagine saying no to God? Yet we do that very thing every day by choosing our ideas and ways of doing things over His. As if we know so much more better than He does. As if WE were the ones “sitting high and looking low” and He was the apple of our eye! How crazy is that? Yet look at how gracious He is! He knows our hearts and the lust for control in our lives yet He loves us! Oh how He loves us! His grace and mercy IS everlasting!

During this hiatus, I have learned a lot about myself and about God. I have learned how imperfect I really am, no matter how many times I try hard to be “perfect.” I realize how much I needed saving when He reached down in the mess I made and saved me. I realize that I need that same Savior everyday to not only save me from myself and my frienemies but to be Lord of my life. Jesus is Lord and Savior of my life like keys and an engine is to a car. It won’t move without them. I also learned that His grace and mercy are everlasting. I screw up every day. I am an example of how far out His grace and mercies go and believe me, they are still going stronger than the Energizer Bunny!

I also learned that in order to hear from God, I must be still. I must listen. I must know that He is God. If an unknown teacher came into your town professing to be able to answer all your questions and help you in your daily life and finances, will you go hungry to hear his words? I don’t think so. You may go, you may even listen but it will not be with the intensity and hunger as if that teacher was TD Jakes or Dave Ramsey or even Mother Teresa (that would be weird). In order to listen intently, you must be still. If you are listening to the radio and a breaking newscast comes on, you stop what you are doing to really listen. In order to be still you must know that He is God. If a stranger comes towards you waving a gun saying be still or they are going to shoot you, what would you do? Likewise, if a friend comes towards you shouting get down and be still, waving their gun, you would do it because you trust them. In order to know that He is God, you must trust Him.

I believe I am in a “be still and know” moment in my life. I’m still not working, I still have needs that I lift up to Him but I now choose to “know that He is God” and let Him do the rest. I know when it’s time for me to act on the gifts He has given me, He will tell me. Until then, I won’t budge a muscle except to minister to those He sends my way. You see my job right now consists of being a godly woman, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and even stranger. Colossians tells me to do whatever I do to the glory of God (Colossians 3:17, 23). And at the exact moment that He lifts me to the ministry that He has given me, I will be so ready that I spring into action. I still need a vehicle, I still need clothes for my family, and I still even need food for the most part. But what I need the most is God and I am so thankful that I have Him in Christ Jesus!

Oh God, thank You for Your wonderful grace and mercy. Thank You for showing me what I am not so that I could accept the love You give to me anyway. Without You I am unworthy, dirty and useless. But with You I am made whole! Help me to be still and know that YOU are God even when I feel like I need to move forward. Close doors that only You can close and at the right moment, bust doors wide open that only You can open! Until then, Your grace is sufficient. In Jesus name, Amen!