Seeing is not believing

Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40 Then He said to Thomas, "Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing." John 20:27 ***Greetings to all reading from the Commenthon! Welcome to my transparent world! Feel free to read others and if so moved subscribe to hear more transparent thoughts! My writings are not every day or even every week but they are from the heart and as He leads so I pray they will help someone else as well!*** ...::::::UPDATE::::... ****We have not only remained in the house but our rent is paid and cut almost in half!! Praising the Father before the storm was over was key!! I would have never made in my small boat of faith without Him!!***** This old antage of "seeing is believing" is quite the mistake! I have "seen" a lot of things unfold and yet still take a turn and something totally different come out of it. Take for example the caterpillar. It starts out grubby, some smaller than others, some hairier or fuzzier. But nevertheless, you never imagine that a caterpillar can fit into the tiny cocoons they do, not to ignore if you figure that the beautifully and enormously winged butterflies would come out of that very same cocoon! But they do! And what about ants? Somebody please tell me you imagined they could pick up a carcass by themselves triple their size and even when you saw it you were not amazed! Of course you can't say that! Because you were! Seeing is not believing! Today has been a rough day for me. I tossed and fought back doubt with everything I had and yet the prayers that were lifted for my family and by my family still seemed to fall on deaf ears. It seems that our prayers are for naught. But are they? I realized I'm still focusing on seeing the miracle more than believing in GOD for it! The first Scripture struck me hard. To be Martha at that very moment.... How bloodshot and flushed her face must have been! Jesus had just told her that she would see God's glory yet when He went about performing the miracle, she doubted. Notably so, as her brother's body would have smelled but she missed what was said to her in her grief. "But when Jesus heard it he said, 'This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'" John 11:4. Did you catch it? I didn't until a few moments ago. I've read it before and because the real focus in this chapter is the raising of Lazurus, I've never caught this morsel before! It does remind me of the peace the Disciples were given right before they were caught in an angry storming sea. Remember that? Of course, everyone does. But who remembers what Jesus said before the storm?  "Let us go across to the other side." (v 35). Again, did you catch that?? He was letting them know whatever they were about to go through, they would get through it TO THE OTHER SIDE!!! That just sent chills down my spine typing it!!  I don't know what you are going through, where your faith is or how it's gonna turn out for you, but I can tell you about me. I can tell you that my faith is at an all time low right now. I needed $744 today for rent to stop a previous eviction and it didn't come, at least not to my knowledge. I got a call from my landlord's office saying I could come in first thing in the morning to pay. That's grace and I'm thankful for it. I don't know what that means or how the money will come but He has already told me through Jeremiah 42:10-16 that I would remain. It's shaky right now, I'm angry and really don't wanna hear to many more "I'm praying for you's" but I'm so thankful for those He has sent my way! I am going to the other side and I only have to hold on until we get there, stormy waters or not. And the same is said of you. Hold on to His Word. If He could sleep peacefully with all that was going on then, then so can I. And if our GOD, Who said He will supply our EVERY need, told us to go to the other side, then we will make it there. GOD, you know our restless hearts. You know our situations. You know that doubt and unbelief are pining for our attention. Thank You for being our Rock, thank You for being that example we need when the waters turn against us. LORD, tonight as we sleep as peaceful as You did under the ship, instead of calming the sea, would you do a miracle for us. Many of us need healing or financial blessings or just... peace. Thank You for being that Provider that never fails. In Jesus name. Amen! Tonight, meditate on  and pray Psalm 5 for our situations. You pray for mine and I will pray for yours. You can leave me a message and know that I will lift you up. Oh, and the second verse? That was simply the way GOD chose to tell me, and you, to stop doubting. Blessings, and good rest tonight.

Who's in Arms For Your Pastor?

But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. Exodus 17:12

Pastor Teddy Parker, Jr. is a name most of the Christian community must now know. He made headlines after he shot himself while his wife, children and congregation waited for him to preach. Once it was known, I'm positive the spirit of gossip was loosed not only in his church but throughout every faith community as well as the unbelieving communities. This was not just a loss to his family or his church. This was a loss for all who are called to walk alongside their brothers and sisters in faith. Rumors were able to sprout up because no one wanted to say, "it's our fault. We should have done better as his brothers and sisters of lifting his arms." Is even said that just a few weeks prior, he helped another man who bent on committing suicide. My belief? That spirit of suicide was transferred unbeknownst to either man. That thought and my weekly prayers for pastors led me to write this challenge for all who attend church and claim a belief in GOD. 

In my prayers today, I prayed for courage and boldness in speaking GOD's in changing word. I also prayed for their call to be genuine, not manufactured and for their wives and children who undoubtedly walk the same path behind their pastor/ husband/ father. It's not only the pastors that endure that group of people who ALWAYS have a chiding word about something the pastor touched in that they wish to remain in the dark or to let him know the tickling of their ear was not as pleasant as other times. I think of Pastor Paul Sheppard who made it pebble level when he said "to have a word in season and out of season" refers to a word that may not be well liked but needed at the time. Or the women, single or not, who trow themselves at them, I think you get my drift. 

My question is, where are the arm lifters? Where are the ones who are supposed to be lifting them when all this is going on? These two men had to have seen Moses at his worst! He was tired, he was worn, he was, I'm sure, about ready to give up and his words made that fact known. We don't know what he said during this time but he was human, just as pastors are today. I don't care how much his faith was! If he had the anger to throw down HISTORIC tablets and proof of GOD's Word down or disobey, he was crying out in agony then. Aaron and Hur not only had to lift his arms, but his spirits as well! They had to encourage him, let him know they had him and he was not alone in this! Where are our "arm bearers" for our pastors today?? Are you called to be a passionate intercessor for your pastor? Trust me, not everyone is. But if you are called, you had better lock arms with him and get him through his rough times so that there will be times of victory as well! 

This pastor who sat alone in his car long enough to hear the spirit of suicide tell him to give up had someone assigned to intercede for him. Not just his wife. But an Aaron or Hur or both! And when he talked the man out of committing suicide, that should have been a time of intercessory for him!! This pastoral battle is not for the weak and fainthearted. But it is not meant to be walked alone either. Blessings....

LORD, thank You for placing on my heart a day to pray for pastors. Forgive me for not being as consistent as I should be but thank You for the grace that covers them when I don't. I pray that You awaken those who are called to be "arm bearers" and charge them to stand by their pastors side in battle as well as for their wives and children. In Jesus name! Amen!!

Transparent Faith Pt I

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19

For this trip I am blogging about to have been one of the BEST times and greatest moves of GOD in my life, it sure was hard to write! I mean to tell you, I have been battling procrastination since my return among other add on struggles!! BUT GOD, has ordained everything in order so I know now is the time! 

Through a series of almost tragic and then tragic events, GOD chose the end of September and beginning of October (my birth month) to train my strength, raise up in me new faith! And that He has done well! 

My family had one go into the hospital and another die within a week. I knew that we were to go to be with them as they are down south but only had coins in my pocket. GOD used that week to not only strengthen my faith, but draw some emotions out of me that He could not use and show me where I would be when I left where I am now. It was also to pour love onto my family who I'm not sure some of them know the love of Christ personally. And just to be there for my aunt who had a husband seem to go downhill fast and her last living brother die. I know GOD sent us there because it was on His tab! He provided in crazy ways and I now believe that was to prepare my heart for the miracles and wonders I would see Him do for my family and my finances. He has done just that since!

Here is what I learned that week. I learned that GOD does indeed give you peace as well as determination about something He sets in your heart to do. We had no idea how we would pay for or get to Florida but I knew we had to go. So I constantly prayed and spoke out of my mouth that we were going. He provided $600 and that got us there and back but He also provided and extra $190 which gave cushion and allowed us to eat something other than sandwiches on our way back! I walked away knowing that NOTHING is impossible for my GOD!

Another thing I learned is that He does what He pleases. I don't know what happened with my uncle that died and why all of a sudden he was gone. But I know how hard we were praying for his sister's (my aunt) husband as he laid in the hospital with some type of brain bleed. And I do know that I knew that I knew that I knew that as we took of driving my moms car and got word that my aunt was now in the hospital that they would both be fine and they are, just celebrating another wedding anniversary!

As I laid down after returning from the trip, there were things I was certain of. I was certain that we were suppsed to be there, that I would be moving there when directed by GOD, that He hears our cries and petitions, that He delivers and gives provision, and that when I fall asleep at the wheel, He is the One who really drives!! I left with a newfound faith that has been tested ever since! 

I was shortly after released from my job because of performance (even though I had just learned two new programs), we were almost evicted and had a court hearing for it on CHRISTmas eve at the request of the landlord, and at one point felt hopelessness slipping in. But He has wowed me each day since that trip and I know there is more!! 

Where are you struggling today? What are you having a hard time believing for? Will He need to bring you to hardship to grow your faith and will your surrender all you know as logic to allow it?

LORD, You are the same still! I stay in awe of You and I pray that never changes. Continue to grow my faith in You. Thank You for my daily bread and for being my Portion! In Jesus name! Amen!

Money, Money, Money... Mooooney!

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6

I have to confess something. I'm not content with what I have. I mean I'm not stealing, I'm not drooling over what I don't have and I am no longer (thank You LORD) ignoring bills to get what I want. BUT..... I think more about bills than I should. I spend more time telling GOD about what I have to pay than I do thanking Him for what He has taken care of. I still take more time tattling to ABBA about my bills and needs than I do praising Him and giving thanks in advance, which is so hard when you are in need!! But isn't that being uncontent... or in contempt? I don't think merely loving to have money is what is being referred to but also looking to money for things needed. Bare with me here. Yes we all have needs and bills that NEED to be paid. A lot of us are still living "check to check" correct? Well verse five says to be content with "what you HAVE." The bills that aren't paid aren't because you DONT have it. So we are to be content with what we DO have and trust that GOD has made an arrangement for what we don't have. That's what's hard for me. I see the bills coming in and I see the money going out to pay bills. I also see what is not paid or what we don't have in the house because I can't see the money nor do I have the money that would pay for these things. But GOD does. 

Matthew 6:25-31 speaks directly to that. Here's the sum up of what it says. Don't worry about what you don't have because worrying won't make it happen any faster. It will in fact, take away time from you. If GOD will feed the birds and clothe the flowers, how much more will He do for those He loves? 

His word promises that because He is our helper, He will not leave. So are you content?

Father, forgive me for being anxious and not being content with what I have. Help me to place my eyes on You and be thankful for You have already supplied and are supplying as well as thanking You in advance for what You will supply! Take hold of my anxious heart, LORD, and pour in contentment for Your  word and promises. Help them to bubble up to the surface in times of need and despair. In Jesus name. Amen!

Transparent Struggle

pray without ceasing.... 1 Thess 5:17

I am at the point of parenting where I want to give up! I just want to throw in the towel and say forget it, I'm done. I mean my kids are 22, 20 and 16, so it's not like I would be abandoning infants. *sigh* Now don't get me wrong. I love my kids to life! I would have a all out drag out street fight for my kids. I would take a bullet for my kids. Yes I would die for them. But I've come to a point where I have to decide that I won't die BECAUSE of them. 

Here's my issue.  I have three very different, very intelligent, very creative kids. I have allowed them, for the most part, to express their creativity since they were younger. Probably, no, most definitely when I should have been teaching practical things like manners and loving their neighbor/ siblings, sharing and showing the love of Christ, I was letting them run in the house, yell and play like crazy. It's my fault, I'm sure of it and now I have to face that portion. I have to look the sweet kids who loved to be outside and laugh at my dry jokes, who I should have taught chores, responsibility and the art of putting self last, in the face and say I failed you as a mom back then. All the homemaking, homeschooling got it all together moms remind me of that all the time. 

And then I read a blog or status on Facebook where a mom flipped out on her kids. I hear a mom admit to not caring if they didn't clean up right now, or I go to a moms house who says sorry for the mess! And I realize that I am no different, I'm not the only screw up that allowed things that should not have been. I have even ditched certain no brainers in discipline because I wasn't allowed to do it. And then I also remember.... I'm redeemed!

I remember that God pursued me for 39 yrs before I surrendered and even the not had to have been such a battle to me to that calm state you get wild horses to after throwing a rope they weren't prepared for around them. I complained, I lied still, I even harbored anger towards people and I'm sure I caused a commotion or two. Sheesh! Now that I think about it, He has to be GOD to have not given up on me! Everyone else has before! So how dare I even think about giving up on my kids. 

They have been disobedient, reckless with their lives at times, rebellious enough for Billy Idol to yell ENOUGH ALREADY!! But they are my kids. The children GOD lent to me for a short time. It's not their fault I wasted some of that time but even still, I'm glad GOD used me to pour something's into them. The verse Matthew 7:11 comes to mind when I say this. In my being evil, I knew certain things to tell them or show them. Thank You for that LORD. 

I was at a crossroads for a while now. I didn't want to "stifle their creativeness", I also didn't want spoiled snots for kids. So I spoke with as much love as I could muster up when they irritated me. I tried pouring into them when I was angry to reassure them I loved them. But I never pulled that love of the Father into it. I never said, "Lord, show me these baybay kids from Your eyes." I didn't see that His way was more important to instill than to make friends or make sure they weren't mad at family members. While I could go on with the "shoulda woulda couldas," I choose to MOVE ON and be the mom I need to be at this stage in life. After all, if GOD had given up on me when I was their ages, I would be a MESS right now clenched onto my one way ticket to hell!! I'm so glad He saved me!! Aren't you? Make sure your kids will be too....

Transparent Unbelief

Transparent Unbelief

But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid."

And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."

He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" -Matthew 14:26-31 

Okay so let me first explain my BC addiction/ fear of ghosts. When I was about 6 or 7, we lived in the Philippines. The base we were on was filled with stories of ghouls, goblins, ghost, vampires and demons. I can remember even the school I was at participated in this nonsense of telling ghost stories to us kids. I believe that's where my spirit of fear was conceived. It was also where my love/ hate relationship with the unknown began. For every story that scared me, I needed to know more. I needed to get to "the bottom" of it and see if I could see "it". I remember imagining a story that I had watched earlier with our house girl that even further warped my young mind. It was of a barrel that you could jump in and it had fish in it and.... apparently no end. To the seeing eye, one could only see the bottom of this barrel that held fish to buy. But for those who wanted more, it was a doorway to another time. There were monsters in the movie, what kind I don't remember, and the flashes of it I have in my head now are so ridiculous you would've thought the movie was a Filipino version of Disney's  Fantasia (my dad swears that the director had to be on acid while making that cartoon... and I tend to agree). I also remember another time of being told yet another local horror tale right before bed. I don't remember how long it took me to fall asleep but I do remember that I thought I woke up to my bed shaking like crazy and jumped straight out to go to my parents room! You'll be happy to know I have since renounces all of that mess and even though my desire to see what new horror movies are about, I won't watch because I know that all made now are doorways. 

When the Disciples saw this figure walking on water, they freaked out as much as any of us would have. I mean we weren't talking about shallow water where you couldn't see ones feet but their ankles were visible. This was the Sea of Galilee!! How I would've gone from frightened near death to in awe and instant worship at the point of realization that this was my Lord and Savior walking in this huge body of water which was, I'm sure 50ft or more deep! How magnificent is HE!!

But, the Bible is also clear about there appearance of ghosts. There are several verses, including this one, that mention seeing, thinking of seeing and hearing ghosts. But when I think of the power of my JESUS, NOTHING stands more powerful than He!!

Well that brings me to my first vision, in plain sight. On my way to church for a prayer service last Friday evening, I was in full worship, music loud and me singing! I pulled into the parking lot to see a truck in the middle of the street and slowed down to see if anyone was in there. As I turned back to look straight, there was a car in front of me (All normal things). It happened to be a woman that I knew from church once I got closer, and as I parked, I watched her go in the building but not before quickly turning her head my way. Everything after that was routine and a powerful prayer session. So much so that I hadn't really paid too much attention that I hadn't seen this woman. I thought perhaps she was somewhere else in the building. Things didn't turn odd for me until another sister in Christ came to me to ask if this certain woman frequented the Ignite prayer worship. I said yes and told her she was there somewhere. To make a long story short, another woman told us she wasn't there. That's when I started to freak out. Two other women got into the same conversation with us and after it was determined that, in fact, she was NOT present that night, we learned of her recent suffering and decided right then to pray. It was nothing short of GOD that did that! I still dwell in that "in plain sight" vision I had of her waking upright and turning her neck (she had bulging disks the day before) while going to praise her LORD!

My recent stint with this has even more so turned my unbelief into belief! I have to admit, I would pray certain things as led by God and then not believe it was possible. Have you ever done this? Unbelief is a bondage to keep you from experiencing God's lovingkindness, grace, mercy and blessings. It is the very same, age old trick of the devil that kept Adam and Eve from being who God had created them to be. The serpent asked in Genesis, "Did God really say, 'you must not eat of any tree in this garden?" A tricky seed of doubt quickly turns to unbelief when left unattended. The serpent misinterpreted, on purpose of course, what God commanded and even though Eve KNEW what God said, by even entertaining the liar, she made room for that seed of doubt. 

There is someone suffering from a battle with doubt and unbelief. There is someone who is losing that battle. Please know that we are all there at one point. I was not too long ago. But if you hold on, He will bring you out even if He has to carry you! In mark 5:36, Jesus comforts a man who has just been told his daughter, whom he came to Jesus to ask to heal her, had died. Jesus COMFORTED him!! He does care!! But The Alpha and Omega did not stop there! He then commanded this man ever so gently, I believe, to "only believe." I extend that release for you today dear ones. "Do not fear, (which is where doubt and unbelief stem from) only believe." 

Father, thank You for that vision to remind me of who You are. Thank You for bringing me out of my temporary jail of depression. Lord, I stand in the gap of all who read this and are going through that same battle, asking themselves and You the same questions I did. Comfort them, Lord and help them believe. Be that gentle voice guiding them back to You, Holy Spirit. Pour great hope into their spirits as they sleep and when they toss and turn, give them rest. Let them know, remind us that You are still on the Throne and you will never leave not forsake us. In Jesus mighty name. Amen!

Transparent Reach

Transparent Reach

He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Matthew 14:29, 30 ESV

Jesus was walking on water. Why was that do hard to believe for those who had seen Him perform other miracles? He sent them in ahead of them so why did they forget that He was coming once they were further out? Why do our minds work in the natural only? If we for see it or ourselves, we don't tend to believe it. Or is that just the way my mind works? Even Peter AFTER Jesus said "It is I. Do not fear," he still needed proof. It's as if he was saying, "You say it's you but I don't believe you unless I have proof." How many do that (raising hand). And then once Jesus graciously told him to come out, instead of knowing that Jesus, the one who had told him to step out, the one who would never let anything happen to us, would never let him sink more than necessary. But we do that. We worry when we see or hear the winds and storms in our life.

What I notice, what God has showed me is that I cry out to those in the boat because I can SEE the boat and people in it. Because Peter could see Jesus, he called out to Him even though he only had to focus on Him to stay above water. Did you catch that? If only we would focus on Christ, we will stay above water. But of course, we don't and so because of His grace, He knows that and extends His hand to us. But what I realized today is that not only do I cry out I those in the boat but I do it knowing full well that Jesus is right there for me, knowing full well He has me. I also realized that when I start to sink, He's closer than I usually think.

How about you? Do you aim for the boat faster than you do for Jesus when you cry out in a storm? Do you reach for the phone and call or text someone because it seems like they are closer than Jesus is? Do you only seem to wait until you start sinking to call in Him? Or perhaps you still call in those that are visible to the fleshy eye. This week I challenge you to try Him and see if indeed He is closer.

The verse that was just given to me as I wrote that part was "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother," Proverbs 18:24. I have a brother and when we were young we had no choice but to be close. Our parents didn't do sibling rivalry like parents nowadays. But as we got older, we grew in different ways. We had life happen. We still love each other just the same but we don't see each other nearly as much as I desire. But oh when we do.... it's like no time had passed. I find myself looking at Jesus in that way. When I am in troubled waters, when I step out of the boat like He commanded and then start to sink, He doesn't feel close so I reach out to people in prayer and for relief. But this verse reminds me that He is a friend that sticks CLOSER than a brother. He is there when we need Him, when we have no idea that we need Him and even when we don't think we need Him. He is closer than a brother, He is closer than any family member, He is CLOSER than we think.

Father, thank you for not only the sacrifice of Your Son's death but His life that You have for us. Jesus, thank You for the life You led to show us how to overcome our storms and that we can reach out to you, without condemnation, when we struggle to stay on the troubled waters of life. You truly are closer than anyone else, I pray that we would remember that and look to you. In Jesus name. Amen.