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Monday, January 23, 2012

Transparent Peace

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10 (ASV)

My last post was 5 months ago at the end of August. I had just been through a near eviction and right after that having my water shut off for about 3 weeks. Needless to say, it was a hard and almost overbearing time. I had no income; unemployment seemed to be taking its sweet time coming and a very outstanding water bill, not to mention my children who God sent to me to lift me up in times just like this. I was broke AND broken yet it seemed this time all my broken pieces were held in the Hands of a very loving, very powerful Father. He told me each morning to be still. He told me every morning that He is God. Never did it become redundant to hear these words. He seemed to know exactly when to say them and each time, every morning they were sweet to my ears. I love my Dad!

Around this time, now that I think back, I was in the wilderness being sifted. During that time some uglies came out of me that I am not very proud to say even resided in me, but I gladly say that because of Who is in me, not what! He was continuing my healing process from the Heart transplant I had asked for not much earlier than this. I believe if He had revealed to me what He had planned to take me through, I would have opted out of it. I would have said, “No thanks. I appreciate what you are trying to do God but I can’t go through all that, not again. My kids can’t handle that again and they may even leave this time to go stay with their dad. Then where would I be? No, no thanks.”

Can you imagine saying no to God? Yet we do that very thing every day by choosing our ideas and ways of doing things over His. As if we know so much more better than He does. As if WE were the ones “sitting high and looking low” and He was the apple of our eye! How crazy is that? Yet look at how gracious He is! He knows our hearts and the lust for control in our lives yet He loves us! Oh how He loves us! His grace and mercy IS everlasting!

During this hiatus, I have learned a lot about myself and about God. I have learned how imperfect I really am, no matter how many times I try hard to be “perfect.” I realize how much I needed saving when He reached down in the mess I made and saved me. I realize that I need that same Savior everyday to not only save me from myself and my frienemies but to be Lord of my life. Jesus is Lord and Savior of my life like keys and an engine is to a car. It won’t move without them. I also learned that His grace and mercy are everlasting. I screw up every day. I am an example of how far out His grace and mercies go and believe me, they are still going stronger than the Energizer Bunny!

I also learned that in order to hear from God, I must be still. I must listen. I must know that He is God. If an unknown teacher came into your town professing to be able to answer all your questions and help you in your daily life and finances, will you go hungry to hear his words? I don’t think so. You may go, you may even listen but it will not be with the intensity and hunger as if that teacher was TD Jakes or Dave Ramsey or even Mother Teresa (that would be weird). In order to listen intently, you must be still. If you are listening to the radio and a breaking newscast comes on, you stop what you are doing to really listen. In order to be still you must know that He is God. If a stranger comes towards you waving a gun saying be still or they are going to shoot you, what would you do? Likewise, if a friend comes towards you shouting get down and be still, waving their gun, you would do it because you trust them. In order to know that He is God, you must trust Him.

I believe I am in a “be still and know” moment in my life. I’m still not working, I still have needs that I lift up to Him but I now choose to “know that He is God” and let Him do the rest. I know when it’s time for me to act on the gifts He has given me, He will tell me. Until then, I won’t budge a muscle except to minister to those He sends my way. You see my job right now consists of being a godly woman, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and even stranger. Colossians tells me to do whatever I do to the glory of God (Colossians 3:17, 23). And at the exact moment that He lifts me to the ministry that He has given me, I will be so ready that I spring into action. I still need a vehicle, I still need clothes for my family, and I still even need food for the most part. But what I need the most is God and I am so thankful that I have Him in Christ Jesus!

Oh God, thank You for Your wonderful grace and mercy. Thank You for showing me what I am not so that I could accept the love You give to me anyway. Without You I am unworthy, dirty and useless. But with You I am made whole! Help me to be still and know that YOU are God even when I feel like I need to move forward. Close doors that only You can close and at the right moment, bust doors wide open that only You can open! Until then, Your grace is sufficient. In Jesus name, Amen!