Thanks for visiting my blog! I pray that you get something out of my being transparent and that God will continue to use me even to speak to one!! Feel free to click follow or follow by email! Be blessed... and transparent!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Transparent Love

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

This verse has never really meant that much to me. I have always understood it to be for those who had "arrived" at superior Christianity. Let me tell you, I have had my share of disappointments in the church for thinking that! I was an ironclad pedestal that I put saints on, especially pastors. In fact, I can't really say that I have ever heard a talk or sermon on this one verse. Until yesterday, I never knew the effects of love covering a multitude of sins.

Last week was a hard one. I had a heavy spirit hanging over me wanting me, no, pressing me to worry and stress about my accident and money. Now let me interject here. I am by far no angel! I fail epically at trying to fight the urge to sin every day. I have been delivered of some, thank You Father; however I have others that linger on like some church goers after a good sermon do waiting for a good gossip session to begin. I still lie just to not have to deal with something or someone, i.e., bill collectors, pushy people, acquaintances I did NOT mean to get my number. I still procrastinate from time to time. As a matter of fact, that is the next spirit I know Holy Spirit is working up papers on to evict! I have a session with IBLOOM, a wonderful life coaching team who right now are zoning in on organizing. I am excited to know I will get valuable information from them... my issue is putting it to use. I also still get angry and hold hatred and grudges in my heart. This too is being dealt with because I can feel the hard ground of my heart being molded and getting ready for a transplant!

Now, let me explain last week's details to you. Monday, I woke up with my lips swollen and scaled. I had tried a new lip protection and it failed epically! My poor lips were so swollen and miserable that I couldn't really talk or eat at all. I then had that phone call from the insurance adjuster from my OLD insurance asking about a new policy. You see when I first started renting, I told them I had Allstate; I had just not by then, and never corrected them whenever they asked. That is my weak point... my area of non trust which the enemy uses as a door to come in. So anyway, I told her that I didn't and that was the end of that conversation. I then begin to feel heavy worry set in on me and instead of praying and jumping in God's Word; I sat on the couch and surfed the web... for practically two days! I mean I got up when it was necessary and slept but that was mainly my thing to do. And then on Wednesday after I began to come out of it a little bit by doing my devotion and praying for God to help me, my cell phone was shut off. Now I had set up a plan to pay that day but had misunderstood the rep on the phone and missed my arrangement. After raising my blood pressure and praying and crying while on hold, Verizon (an awesome phone company) was able to knock some of the bill down and reactivate my phone with no payment. I knew by then that the enemy was throwing dirt in my pit and trying to keep me there.

It is now Monday again and although I am still in financial trouble, I am free from worry! Now let me explain how that and the verse I started with coincide. My mom and I have never had a really good relationship. We don’t communicate well and sometimes not at all. She does things that get under my skin and I KNOW some things I do at least scratch hers (okay, they bury under hers like a chigger!). Let me give a little background. A few years I was so frustrated with my mom that when I got in the car from her house I yelled, "Lord, I need you to step in! Right now I don't care if my mom falls off the earth and that is not good! Take this hatred from me! I don’t want to feel this way!" You see after years of not intimately knowing God or that His Son died for me and rose again, my door was wide open and the enemy was coming and going as he pleased. I guess I had a welcome mat... or maybe I was the mat! But for all the hurt, pain and abuse I endured (no my parents did not abuse us, those whoopings we needed!) my blame and anger went towards my mom. Now this was the year that I surrendered my life to Christ and little did I know that not ALL my life was surrendered and my loving, forgiving God had set out to make sure I surrendered the rest! You see He is a jealous God!

I know that some of my anger by the time I had gotten to that place was due to the fact that my mom had surrendered in the late 90's and I watched God do a work in her. She was one of the main reasons I got into church and ultimately heard God calling my name. But she was dealt a blow that she alone could not deal with. Early 2000's she had gotten sick and it took a lot from her, I believe including her confidence in Christ. The enemy stepped in when she was sick and did as much damage as he could. My anger stemmed from her being a moving force in my life yet standing still and what I considered weak in her own. By the time I surrendered, my mom was well in health but still sick in spirit and I hated that. The enemy, though, had me thinking it was her I hated, her weakness, her constant jumping in my life, her discussing my life with others (wait now that really did bother me) and her carefree way with my children. What he had closed my eyes to was her wisdom that I was able to pull from her, her love for her children and grandchildren and the fact that she is still breathing, something a lot of children can't say.

Well fast forward to Saturday night/ Sunday morning. My kids and I had gone to a Tedashii/ Pro concert and had a blast with the music and message. The enemy hated that fact because we took a kid from the neighborhood that is not saved and a seed was planted. When we got home, my mom was sleep and apparently the enemy had been reviewing things with her to make her angry. By the time she got up and got ready for work he had been in her ear nonstop. Now, she will admit faster than anyone on her behalf that she does not hold her tongue (James 1:19) and this was no different. She had some words with us and the neighbor kid and left for work. Of course the enemy didn’t leave the house quiet, he left a worker to deal with me and my son. But before going to sleep I was able to vent to God and ask Him to help me. Little did I know He was going to do just that. In the morning after listening to Lifechurch.tv (an awesome vessel for God) I was urged, no, I was told by God to get up and hug my mom. For about 10 minutes I went back and forth with Him about when was I gonna be able to tell her words hurt sometimes and when I was gonna be able to tell her other things. He just kept telling me to give her hug. I went through every excuse I could until finally I said fine. I asked her to stand up and when she finally did after asking what for and saying it was too cold, she stood up and God hugged us! It was like Heaven had come into the dining room and God's Spirit had settled down on us. HIS Love covered a multitude of our sins! His Love covered us as if it was a huge bucket of water that dumped on us refreshing us.

We as God's children need to do an assessment of the heart everyday! Look at how people are being treated in the church by counterfeits sent by our adversary to destroy His House! Do we merely stand by and let that happen or do we swallow the pride we constantly choke on anyway, commit spiritual suicide and do our Father's bidding and Christ’s command to love one another and then our neighbor and enemies? Why is it so hard to follow His commands but so easy to go and ask when we are in need and EXPECT the answers the way we want? LOVE covers a multitude of sins. THIS is how we forgive when someone has hurt us. This is how to forgive 70x 7, because THIS is how God forgives us.

I still have things to say to her, and I know in due time God will deal with me on some issues to just let go and mold her to hear some things He needs me to say but for now we are mother and daughter and the enemy has lost this battle! Amen!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Transparent Incident

Yesterday was a day of Divine appointment! I started the day out with my devotions, finding three key Scriptures to chew on. Exodus 14:13-14 "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.", Deuteronomy 31:6 "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts." and Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" I then got a message from my friend, Samone, basically saying the same thing and reminding me, "Whether you feel on top of the world or stuck beneath it today, remember who was and is there for you at all times." My God is incredible with His grace and mercy which are indeed FOREVER!!

Now to explain the transparent incident. The day had been going good after my prayer time, because I had literally been asking where money was gonna come from when God heard my cry (Psalm 40:1) and gave me strength from His Word. I then started on my day. First was a meeting, turned ice cream social for the youth ministry which was very much needed. Then upon returning home to get my mom for work as I was talking to 2 of my 3 children, a car drove right into me from the side! This is where transparency is not fun. The first thing out of my mouth was NOT "Lord help me." I screamed and immediately said, "Lord not again! This cannot be happening again, please! How am I going to pay for this? I can’t believe he hit me!" The supernatural calm did not hit me all at once. I was so enraged at that moment that I could have "spit nails" as my mom used to say to me and my brother. But in His loving patience, He sent someone to remind me in the form of a young man who instructed me to stay in the car and breathe. Much needed instruction for me! In that time, I was able to breathe, vent, breathe again and begin to thank God for the protection He afforded me. My mind began to race to the many things that could have happened. I needed to refocus and pray. And I had the time to do that.

My mind then raced to my son whom I was on the phone with at the time that he hit me. He heard me scream and took off out the door running to me. He is 18, he was on a dangerous street and he has asthma. But I had to trust that God would be his breath.

I learned a lot from this encounter. I learned that I am not perfect. I learned that God still has a long way to go with me and I still have a lot yet to surrender. I learned that I have been delivered from things that I used to do though because "from out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." I can thankfully check off cussing being evicted in my heart. I did learn that I still have anger that needs to be gone and I know that God is working on me. I also learned that what the world called an accident yesterday is most definitely NOT one. That was, as all my steps are, ordered by God and I am thankful for it!

The other driver, a young man, is okay too. I hate that he got a ticket and will have to pay more for insurance. I also hate that I did not have a chance to speak to him and make sure for myself that he was alright. But I know that God has a plan for him and I am going to continue to pray for him. I am also glad (transparent moment) that he had insurance because the car I had was a rental! So I am back on the road again with another rental and a little jarred from the experience, but aren’t we all when we experience God moving in our life more than we expected?

Have an awesome and safe week! I will be praying for everyone that reads follows and comments on this blog. And please remember your seat belts! God sends protection even in the form of a seat belt!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Transparent Direction

So Tuesday, I was up early and moving. Jumped into my Word but didn’t really pray, which I really need every day because. I had to get my son to the college he will be attending in the fall (a WHOLE nother story). So on the way there, I use my Verizon app for directions, Navigator, which I downloaded the day before. We got there relatively easy but left a little too late to get to the school on time (story of my life!). Well he got there in enough time to get a mini tour which would be finished after his college placement test and I was able to leave quickly. SN: It is not the same leaving your child at college as it is in their first daycare/ school. Anyway, so I start out to leave, once again using the Navigator and I notice that I am not going the same way. Then as I start to leave, not waiting for it to upload, it keeps "recalculating route" (literally that what it says). Each time it does, I have to go through some sort of mini thorough way or residential area, making my trip longer and longer. Then as I get to a road I know, it tells me to go another way. Much to my dismay and frustration, I come out on that same street! "WTHeck!” is what I said out loud (would that be WTHeckOL for facebook abbreviation???) I finally got so mad that I shut the thing down and went the way I knew, what I really wanted was to throw the phone out the window!

Now at first, trying to be all spiritual, I ask God what He needed me to learn out of that frustrating experience. Then without even waiting for the answer I made up my own, that I have to listen to His direction in order to get where He needs me to go. SMH! Then I started contemplating and listening up until even now when I JUST got confirmation of what the lesson was! I need to SLOW DOWN!! Not all of His answers and routes in my life will happen so quickly! Sometimes He will have me take the longer back roads just so that I can spend more time in Him, in training! And finally sometimes the quickest road is not always the BEST road to take! Sheesh Lord! I’m so thankful that You take the time with me, show me how to take time with others and the things You need me to! Amen!!!

Lesson from His heart to me shared with you: Take your time! The world is not our worry. Things are perishing every day. Our focal point while in labor with His blessings is to be His Kingdom... (Again my life verse) Matthew 6:33. "Seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness..." We don’t have to worry, as a matter of fact He commands us not to several times! We do not have to fear what is to come... or what is not, we are to focus on HIM! And He is not a microwave god so the fast-food mentality of learning and meditating will not work. Some days He will have a quick lesson for us and others will be long and "drug out." Nevertheless, we should take our time with what He gives us, good and bad, just as He takes His time with us!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

True Freedom

So this week has been a blister for me! I have prayed, planned, waited and spent what I really did not have for the sake of my only son graduating. I can truly say it's time to write a pamphlet for junior parents to warn them of the impending expenses they will incur senior year! I wish... oh how I wish someone more experienced would have said, "HEY!! This next year it will be expensive! If your child is in any sports, this is your cost. Any activities? This is the cost. If your child just wants to graduate and leave this portion of their life behind then this is your cost." I would have loved that! But now going through two different types of graduation and being able to afford parties, jackets, proms, pictures, graduation necessities and the like, I can put together a pamphlet for the unsuspecting victims (I am one of those too! Got a one more to go.)

So with all that I have learned a few things that I wanted to share with you this week. First, God must be first. I feel like when I pinch pennies and make Him wait, I am the only one who suffers. He isn't losing out because of my mere 10%, I am! That command was just that, a command. He is not like these "name it claim it mega churches who want you to pay for every little tear drop that comes from your eye or every prayer they pray for you! No! He has and because He already has, He wants us to have. But He knew already before clearance and BOGO were invented that if He was to just give with no expectation we (I really mean myself) would be going buck wild right now! We are to give back to Him as a testament of what He has already given us!Its out of mere obedience that He calls to do this because if He cant trust us with what isn't ours, why should we expect to get something of our own? I'm sorry. I got off on one of my self sermons. You know, when you have to yell at yourself, call out yourself and encourage yourself? Yeah I have to do that so often it's been labeled as schizophrenia. Well not really, thank God but I wonder sometimes! Anyway, instead of trying to budget MY money from now on, I am going to better manage HIS money He allows me. I really have to start thinking of it as His money and the consequences (see Matthew 25) I will have for dipping into whats not mine.

The second thing is freedom. God started showing me freedom which is what I really need. Not the car I don't have or the money that seems to be always missing from my account but true freedom in Him. Now I know very well that if I seek Him first and His kingdom and all His righteousness that all others will be given to me (Matthew 6:33) That happens to be my life verse so yeah I know that one. What I wasn't counting was the fact that I need to be free from all bondage even to go through some things. Example: If I'm not free to go through loss of job because I am so bound in the paycheck, bills and money I make, I will miss the lesson, call to persevere and blessing waiting on the other side. POW!! That was a hard blow for me because I just left my job.

The last thing is purpose. This is something I struggled with. I was always asking what mine was. It seemed that others knew theirs and were stepping into them while I was stepping into something less pleasant and more odorous. It seemed like every move I made was the wrong move, even when I knew it was or is a move I needed to make. I have to first seek Him and know that I was free in order to know my purpose. I had to understand that a simple question would lead me into where He was going to use me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I, the adulterous, cheap, lying, stealing, gossiping, grudge hoarding, sex having woman... I could step into my destiny! The purpose He has for me is what I have been saying and desiring to be all along! I will be studying to be a life coach and counselor this fall. I don't know how that is going to look as I loathe school but I know that is what He has for me to do. In the meantime, I will be planning events, including weddings and birthdays, some for profit others for free. My only prayer remains the same as when I put in my notice to my job, "If this is Your will Lord, then take care of my family, my bills and our needs." I now have to put that trust in Him that He will, no matter what storm I walk through, I know He is with me and will NEVER forsake me!

Until next post..... have a great day... on purpose!