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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Transparent Pressure

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—" 2 Cor 4:8-9

This week has been a doozy! I have been in some form of spiritual attack for a while but March 1st seemed to have intensified and magnified each feat the enemy brings my way. 

This last one, I thought might crush me because it involved two of my children at the same time! Anyone that knows me knows that is a way to get to me, a "weak spot" of sorts with me. 

Last summer, GOD led my oldest through a trial through her job that tested her and showed her some areas of concern such as fear of man and harboring anger. As much as I wanted to step in, I knew that I could not. While I guided her as much as I was allowed, it was not my fight but that didn't stop me from being angry at all involved. 

This time around, it's my middle and youngest being attacked and that same anger and helplessness has bubbled back up to the surface. I know that this trial is not just for them but for me as well as this is bringing up muck in me that GOD simply cannot use and wants to file away in the File 13 far away from my, and their, hearts. This verse is and will be instrumental in this victory of ours. 

My son has the desire to be a teacher/ track coach/ youth minister. That is not a desire manufactured by him or his surroundings but given him by GOD. His life, on the other hand has not really afforded what one would call or see as an exemplary life that would lead to such a high calling. Thank GOD there is no man on earth who is GOD! My son has had his prodigal son moment and still has some residue being removed but has been given a new robe by GOD. During his prodigal walk, he had isolated himself, had compromised and is a father in waiting. For man, this is looked at as unacceptable for his calling and some would have him not only reminded constantly by man made consequences but also deter him to another calling that is not as high up. In this instance, is leadership in the place where he has chosen to help out with track. Through others eyes and words, he has been deemed unfit to help coach without even so much of a personal conversation, just judgment. He was "hard pressed" but not crushed and I reminded him of that. Although leadership did not take the biblical stance when having something against a person who has sinned, my son will be. Am I angry, yes. I trusted this person and because they are Christian I held them to a higher standard and forgot (just as he has done with my son) that we all fall short. Stamp this one as lesson learned. 

My daughters attack has been on her health. She had what we thought was back pain, mom-diagnosed as sciatica but not because of physical strain but a spiritual attack. This entire weekend has been a tiring strain for both of is as she struggled to get comfortable and even pleaded that she only desired to sleep. Yesterday I found out differently. She had an incredibly large boil that had manufactured, it seemed, out of nowhere on her backside. I felt that anger rising up again but this time was ready! I had already that morning been in communion with GOD and renounced the spiritual root and was ready for battle. I had no idea it would be so intense. The day started with me leading her in prayer to renounce the same and to be released of the harness of burdens she was not to carry (she is a burden bearer) and she had a good day! And then we started home. An obnoxious smell (anyone with knowledge of a boil knows) filled the car and we went in search of it relentlessly but it wasn't until my daughter got out and we saw a wet stain, did she search herself. I hope somebody got that. A spiritual boil is just as painful as a real one. To get rid of it can be even more painful as pressure needs to be applied after a cut (double edged sword) is made. There is an offense (smell) and it will need to be searched out if you are unaware of the source of your pain. 

Well we found the source was this boil. I was instructed to send her to ER and more rose up in me. I hate ER, I hate germs and I hate being around sick people that don't take care to block others from their germs (I'm being honest). But I had to get over all this to get my daughter the help needed. What a battle this was in my head! I won't go into details of the pain and agony my child was in as they got rid of this thing as I sat with her helpless to end her pain and crying. No, I wasn't helpless. I could have stopped them. I could have said never mind or no more. But I knew this was for the greater good.

Isn't that how GOD is with us? Isn't that how He was with Christ? He doesn't sit idly by wringing His hands. He is with us, comforting us, encouraging us, never leaving or forgetting about us. One thing my daughter kept asking was "where's nana?" I wondered why she didn't ask where I was but then it dawned on me. She KNEW I was there! She knew I wasn't leaving! THAT'S how GOD wants us to be! He wants us to be that confident through our trials. He reminds us of this much like I reminded my daughter in her morphine induced state of what her favorite (life) verse is... and she still knew it! John 16:33.... Which reminds us that we WILL go through things, that we can be sure of. But we can also be sure that Jesus has overcome this world and that GOD will NEVER leave us! 

My daughter is still working at her job and has overcome the challenges of hiding from those who seem to be after her. My son is no worse for the ware and will nevertheless teach, coach and spread the GOOD News that Jesus can use and call anyone no matter how rugged their paths have been. My youngest daughter is coming down from the morphine high, still in pain but getting back to herself. Me? I have learned that I can't save my kids all the time, I have hidden anger and offense and that healing is not always easy. Sometimes it comes from pain.