So this week has been a blister for me! I have prayed, planned, waited and spent what I really did not have for the sake of my only son graduating. I can truly say it's time to write a pamphlet for junior parents to warn them of the impending expenses they will incur senior year! I wish... oh how I wish someone more experienced would have said, "HEY!! This next year it will be expensive! If your child is in any sports, this is your cost. Any activities? This is the cost. If your child just wants to graduate and leave this portion of their life behind then this is your cost." I would have loved that! But now going through two different types of graduation and being able to afford parties, jackets, proms, pictures, graduation necessities and the like, I can put together a pamphlet for the unsuspecting victims (I am one of those too! Got a one more to go.)
So with all that I have learned a few things that I wanted to share with you this week. First, God must be first. I feel like when I pinch pennies and make Him wait, I am the only one who suffers. He isn't losing out because of my mere 10%, I am! That command was just that, a command. He is not like these "name it claim it mega churches who want you to pay for every little tear drop that comes from your eye or every prayer they pray for you! No! He has and because He already has, He wants us to have. But He knew already before clearance and BOGO were invented that if He was to just give with no expectation we (I really mean myself) would be going buck wild right now! We are to give back to Him as a testament of what He has already given us!Its out of mere obedience that He calls to do this because if He cant trust us with what isn't ours, why should we expect to get something of our own? I'm sorry. I got off on one of my self sermons. You know, when you have to yell at yourself, call out yourself and encourage yourself? Yeah I have to do that so often it's been labeled as schizophrenia. Well not really, thank God but I wonder sometimes! Anyway, instead of trying to budget MY money from now on, I am going to better manage HIS money He allows me. I really have to start thinking of it as His money and the consequences (see Matthew 25) I will have for dipping into whats not mine.
The second thing is freedom. God started showing me freedom which is what I really need. Not the car I don't have or the money that seems to be always missing from my account but true freedom in Him. Now I know very well that if I seek Him first and His kingdom and all His righteousness that all others will be given to me (Matthew 6:33) That happens to be my life verse so yeah I know that one. What I wasn't counting was the fact that I need to be free from all bondage even to go through some things. Example: If I'm not free to go through loss of job because I am so bound in the paycheck, bills and money I make, I will miss the lesson, call to persevere and blessing waiting on the other side. POW!! That was a hard blow for me because I just left my job.
The last thing is purpose. This is something I struggled with. I was always asking what mine was. It seemed that others knew theirs and were stepping into them while I was stepping into something less pleasant and more odorous. It seemed like every move I made was the wrong move, even when I knew it was or is a move I needed to make. I have to first seek Him and know that I was free in order to know my purpose. I had to understand that a simple question would lead me into where He was going to use me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I, the adulterous, cheap, lying, stealing, gossiping, grudge hoarding, sex having woman... I could step into my destiny! The purpose He has for me is what I have been saying and desiring to be all along! I will be studying to be a life coach and counselor this fall. I don't know how that is going to look as I loathe school but I know that is what He has for me to do. In the meantime, I will be planning events, including weddings and birthdays, some for profit others for free. My only prayer remains the same as when I put in my notice to my job, "If this is Your will Lord, then take care of my family, my bills and our needs." I now have to put that trust in Him that He will, no matter what storm I walk through, I know He is with me and will NEVER forsake me!
Until next post..... have a great day... on purpose!