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Monday, June 27, 2011

Transparent Love

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

This verse has never really meant that much to me. I have always understood it to be for those who had "arrived" at superior Christianity. Let me tell you, I have had my share of disappointments in the church for thinking that! I was an ironclad pedestal that I put saints on, especially pastors. In fact, I can't really say that I have ever heard a talk or sermon on this one verse. Until yesterday, I never knew the effects of love covering a multitude of sins.

Last week was a hard one. I had a heavy spirit hanging over me wanting me, no, pressing me to worry and stress about my accident and money. Now let me interject here. I am by far no angel! I fail epically at trying to fight the urge to sin every day. I have been delivered of some, thank You Father; however I have others that linger on like some church goers after a good sermon do waiting for a good gossip session to begin. I still lie just to not have to deal with something or someone, i.e., bill collectors, pushy people, acquaintances I did NOT mean to get my number. I still procrastinate from time to time. As a matter of fact, that is the next spirit I know Holy Spirit is working up papers on to evict! I have a session with IBLOOM, a wonderful life coaching team who right now are zoning in on organizing. I am excited to know I will get valuable information from them... my issue is putting it to use. I also still get angry and hold hatred and grudges in my heart. This too is being dealt with because I can feel the hard ground of my heart being molded and getting ready for a transplant!

Now, let me explain last week's details to you. Monday, I woke up with my lips swollen and scaled. I had tried a new lip protection and it failed epically! My poor lips were so swollen and miserable that I couldn't really talk or eat at all. I then had that phone call from the insurance adjuster from my OLD insurance asking about a new policy. You see when I first started renting, I told them I had Allstate; I had just not by then, and never corrected them whenever they asked. That is my weak point... my area of non trust which the enemy uses as a door to come in. So anyway, I told her that I didn't and that was the end of that conversation. I then begin to feel heavy worry set in on me and instead of praying and jumping in God's Word; I sat on the couch and surfed the web... for practically two days! I mean I got up when it was necessary and slept but that was mainly my thing to do. And then on Wednesday after I began to come out of it a little bit by doing my devotion and praying for God to help me, my cell phone was shut off. Now I had set up a plan to pay that day but had misunderstood the rep on the phone and missed my arrangement. After raising my blood pressure and praying and crying while on hold, Verizon (an awesome phone company) was able to knock some of the bill down and reactivate my phone with no payment. I knew by then that the enemy was throwing dirt in my pit and trying to keep me there.

It is now Monday again and although I am still in financial trouble, I am free from worry! Now let me explain how that and the verse I started with coincide. My mom and I have never had a really good relationship. We don’t communicate well and sometimes not at all. She does things that get under my skin and I KNOW some things I do at least scratch hers (okay, they bury under hers like a chigger!). Let me give a little background. A few years I was so frustrated with my mom that when I got in the car from her house I yelled, "Lord, I need you to step in! Right now I don't care if my mom falls off the earth and that is not good! Take this hatred from me! I don’t want to feel this way!" You see after years of not intimately knowing God or that His Son died for me and rose again, my door was wide open and the enemy was coming and going as he pleased. I guess I had a welcome mat... or maybe I was the mat! But for all the hurt, pain and abuse I endured (no my parents did not abuse us, those whoopings we needed!) my blame and anger went towards my mom. Now this was the year that I surrendered my life to Christ and little did I know that not ALL my life was surrendered and my loving, forgiving God had set out to make sure I surrendered the rest! You see He is a jealous God!

I know that some of my anger by the time I had gotten to that place was due to the fact that my mom had surrendered in the late 90's and I watched God do a work in her. She was one of the main reasons I got into church and ultimately heard God calling my name. But she was dealt a blow that she alone could not deal with. Early 2000's she had gotten sick and it took a lot from her, I believe including her confidence in Christ. The enemy stepped in when she was sick and did as much damage as he could. My anger stemmed from her being a moving force in my life yet standing still and what I considered weak in her own. By the time I surrendered, my mom was well in health but still sick in spirit and I hated that. The enemy, though, had me thinking it was her I hated, her weakness, her constant jumping in my life, her discussing my life with others (wait now that really did bother me) and her carefree way with my children. What he had closed my eyes to was her wisdom that I was able to pull from her, her love for her children and grandchildren and the fact that she is still breathing, something a lot of children can't say.

Well fast forward to Saturday night/ Sunday morning. My kids and I had gone to a Tedashii/ Pro concert and had a blast with the music and message. The enemy hated that fact because we took a kid from the neighborhood that is not saved and a seed was planted. When we got home, my mom was sleep and apparently the enemy had been reviewing things with her to make her angry. By the time she got up and got ready for work he had been in her ear nonstop. Now, she will admit faster than anyone on her behalf that she does not hold her tongue (James 1:19) and this was no different. She had some words with us and the neighbor kid and left for work. Of course the enemy didn’t leave the house quiet, he left a worker to deal with me and my son. But before going to sleep I was able to vent to God and ask Him to help me. Little did I know He was going to do just that. In the morning after listening to Lifechurch.tv (an awesome vessel for God) I was urged, no, I was told by God to get up and hug my mom. For about 10 minutes I went back and forth with Him about when was I gonna be able to tell her words hurt sometimes and when I was gonna be able to tell her other things. He just kept telling me to give her hug. I went through every excuse I could until finally I said fine. I asked her to stand up and when she finally did after asking what for and saying it was too cold, she stood up and God hugged us! It was like Heaven had come into the dining room and God's Spirit had settled down on us. HIS Love covered a multitude of our sins! His Love covered us as if it was a huge bucket of water that dumped on us refreshing us.

We as God's children need to do an assessment of the heart everyday! Look at how people are being treated in the church by counterfeits sent by our adversary to destroy His House! Do we merely stand by and let that happen or do we swallow the pride we constantly choke on anyway, commit spiritual suicide and do our Father's bidding and Christ’s command to love one another and then our neighbor and enemies? Why is it so hard to follow His commands but so easy to go and ask when we are in need and EXPECT the answers the way we want? LOVE covers a multitude of sins. THIS is how we forgive when someone has hurt us. This is how to forgive 70x 7, because THIS is how God forgives us.

I still have things to say to her, and I know in due time God will deal with me on some issues to just let go and mold her to hear some things He needs me to say but for now we are mother and daughter and the enemy has lost this battle! Amen!